Pandora's Book
by Constable Paperbag
Summary: Based on her choice of literature, you'd think Blake would know how to write a good erotic story. As it turns out however, Blake Belladonna is the worst smut writer in the history of Remnant, as Team RWBY sadly discovers...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there, this is Constable Paperbag, and I bring you probably the biggest mistake of my life xD**

 **So, I'm writing a few dark things right now - one being the latest Power is Red chapter as well as a horror one shot - so I figured I might as well write something to lighten the mood before then.**

 **I see a lot of people writing lemons on this site, so I figured I can make your toes curl as well. Let it never be said that CP doesn't know how to be erotic.**

 **So sit back, get comfortable and grab your ostrich. It's about to get steamy up in here~**

* * *

T'was a quiet day in Team RWBY's room.

Ruby, Weiss and Yang were lounging around on the lazy Saturday afternoon. Beacon was always a barrel of rush and excitement, so it was rare for them to have a day where they could actually chill out.

Ruby was reading a comic, Weiss was studying and Yang was playing a game on her scroll. Blake wasn't with her team this time, as she was out doing faunus stuff. Meaning she wouldn't be back for quite a while.

"Did Blake say when she'd be back?" Yang yawned.

"I don't think so," Ruby said. "You know how she is, she can be pretty mysterious."

"So… nobody's knows when she's coming back?"

"That's what she just said," Weiss said, scolding the blonde for her equally blonde brain.

Yang raised an eyebrow mischievously. A devilish grin stretched across her face. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We should all get matching capes?"

"We should spend more time in the library?"

"None of the above, girls," Yang grinned. "We should totally look through her stuff."

"Oh no. Don't you dare, Xiao Long," Weiss scolded. "That's a complete violation of your partner's privacy."

"What she doesn't know won't hurt me," Yang laughed, already getting off her bed and heading to Blake's drawer. "Besides, aren't you a little curious. Who know's what secrets our little kitty has~"

"Yang, I forbid you from doing this! Have some respect for goodness sake."

C'mon Weiss, live a little," Yang whined. She the looked towards her sister/leader. "Whaddaya say, Rubes? You don't mind having a quick look do you?"

"I mean, we really shouldn't…" Ruby said, clearly debating the idea in her head. "But… I guess it would be a little fun…"

"Yes!" Yang cried out in victory. "Here that, Ice Queen? Our leader just approved of my idea, so suck it."

"Ruby, you can't honestly agree to such a thing!?" Weiss said, appalled at what her leader was allowing to happen. "

"I mean, just as long as she puts everything back to where it was, there'd be no harm done, right?"

"Exactly," Yang said. "Don't worry, it'll look like I wasn't even here. Oh, and Weiss? Don't even think about telling Blake what happened, or I'll tell Oobleck you cheated in the last ten exams we had with him."

Weiss' eyes went wide. That was a complete deformation to her character. After all, she had only cheated six times.

"Just- just know that I'm not happy about this," Weiss stammered, going back to her studying in silent protest.

Ruby and Yang continued to raid Blake's drawer like the nosey little busybodies that they were, when Yang found something that made her eyes go wide with joy.

"Oooh, we hit the jackpot~" she sang, holding up a black book with a blank front cover. "Guys, I think I just found Blake's diary!"

"You found what?"

"Not happy with this!" Weiss shouted from beyond her textbook.

"Well, I think it's her diary, I haven't opened it yet… but we're about to find out~"

"I dunno, Yang," Ruby said. "This might be going a bit far."

"Don't worry, Rubes. It's not like we're gonna repeat anything we read. I'm not gonna spread her secrets around the school."

"Yang, put that book back this instant!" Weiss snapped. "A diary is a safe place for girls, somewhere where they can write down all their feelings. Like if they just broke up with their boyfriend, or if they're scared about something, or if they're the heiress of a successful yet controversial dust company but are looking for an escape from that life-"

"C'mon Weiss," Yang teammate. "You know you want a little peek. Wouldn't it be interesting to know a little more about our teammate?"

Weiss bit her lip. She did like knowing things, for knowledge was power. At least, that's what she told Yang to avoid going to the gym. It was tempting…

"One page," she announced. "I will read one page, then I'll be done with this tomfoolery."

"Now we're talking," Yang cheered. Everyone huddled around the blonde as she opened the book, eager to read the wonders that were inside.

The first page took them by surprise. They had expected it to start off with 'Dear diary', but instead it had a few words written in the centre of the page.

 _ **The following stories are the romantic works of Shadowcat.**_

"Shadowcat?" Ruby asked. "I thought her name was Blake? Oh my god, I don't even know my own friend!"

"You dolt," Weiss said, slapping Ruby on the back of the head. "Her name's still Blake, this is probably just a pen name."

"A pen name?"

"A fake name," Weiss sighed. "A name writers sometimes put down as their real name to hide their true identity."

"Never mind that, look closely at what it says." Yang pointed to the words on the page. "This says that this book has stories in it. You know what that means? Blake writes stories in her free time! That's so cool!"

"Our teammate's an aspiring author?" Ruby squeed. "That's awesome. Do you think she writes fairy tales? Oh, or maybe she writes action-packed thrillers with cool fight scenes?"

"Uh, says here that the stories are romantic, so probably not."

"Doesn't matter. C'mon Yang, show more. I wanna see what Blake is capable of."

"Alright, hold your horses, Rubes," Yang laughed. "Weiss, you can't honestly say your not the least bit curious now? And besides, this isn't even her diary, so it's not like we're raiding through her private life."

"You were a few seconds ago!"

"And I solemnly regret that decision," Yang said, putting a hand on her heart and pretending to be sad. "So come on, let's read what Blake has to write."

Weiss sighed. "I will read one story, then I'll go back to reading what's really important.

In good spirits, Yang flicked past the first page, only to find another note at the centre of the page.

 _ **Dedicated to Patty Berdioler. Your astounding work inspires me everyday of my life xxx**_

"Who's Patty Berioler?"

"I think that's the author of that ninja's series that she's always reading."

"Huh. Well, maybe there will be some action it it then," Ruby said hopefully.

Yang turned the page.

[/]

 _ **Snow White and the Dunceman - A tragic romance by Shadowcat**_

 _They say life is funny in a rich man's world._

 _However, can the same be said for rich women?_

 _Winter Schnee looked down from her bedroom tower made of lien, gazing over all that she surveyed. The world of Remnant belonged to the Schnee's, the most diabolical family in all of Remnant. They had singlehandedly enslaved all the faunus in the world, simply because they didn't have animal ears._

 _Winter had always wanted cat ears, because cat ears are the best! I mean I'm not being picky or anything, but if you had to be a faunus, you might as well be a cat one._

 _And so, in their petty jealousy, they set about conquering the world. Their influence spread like butter, as they decimated all that stood in their way. Soon, there wasn't a place on the map that didn't have their family's stupid little snowflake emblem stamped on it._

 _But with victory came a price. Not a physical price - those white-collared goons could afford anything - a metaphorical price. A price that you can't throw your wallet at. A price that doesn't come with a price tag, so you go to ask the lady at the counter how much it costs, only to find out all the staff are on break forever._

 _Winter Schnee couldn't find love._

 _Years of being cold hearted had left her incapable of feeling such an emotion. Her heart was like an ice cube, minus the cube part. No emotions got in, no emotions got out. And so, the Ice Queen ruled with a heavy heart that matched her heavy chest._

 _Yeah, everything about her was heavy._

 _She sprawled out on her bed, moaning about life n' shit, when the door behind her opened. A young blond huntsman stepped in, bumbling with each step. His name was Jaune Arc, and he had been in service to Winter ever since his village had exiled him for being young, blond but not female._

 _The two had a long history together. He had been her footstool for a long time, but had since been promoted to chair._

" _My lady," he said, bowing in her presence. "I heard a cry coming from your bedroom. What's wrong?"_

" _Oh, nothing, Jaune," she moaned. "I'm just feeling a little upset, that's all."_

" _Upset? My lady, I can't imagine why. If you don't mind me saying, 'you've got it going on' as the good people of Vacuo would say._

" _I'm not interested in the colloquialisms of sand people," she whined. "I seek something more than that. Something it feels like I can't live without."_

" _Oxygen?"_

" _Love!"  
_

" _That was my fifth guess."_

 _She turned her back to him, looking out the balcony of her bedroom. "Yes, Jaune of Arc, I seek love in this melancholic time of mine. I yearn to be held, to be adored. Alas, I don't think such a thing will ever happen."_

" _Fret not, your Schnee-ness. I have no doubt you will find a man worthy of your icy affections."  
_

 _She scoffed. "I doubt it. My life just isn't made for love. My life is full of business, money and an absurd lack of cat ears. There's no room for a man in that lifestyle."_

 _The boy shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was no secret that he adored the woman before him, from the various love letters he sent her, to the way he walked around with a T-shirt with her face on it._

 _Granted, everyone had to that, but he at least wore his to bed._

" _But my lady, love is a wonderful thing… well, so I've been told anyway." He looked down at his feet. "I too have yet to share it with someone."_

" _Your problems are your own," she spat. "This is about me we're talking about. I want nice things!"_

" _Have you ever approached a man in order to find love?"_

 _She groaned. "I told you, I don't have the time to go hubby hunting. I'm too busy owning things that don't belong to me to pursue such matters.  
_

 _Jaune went quiet for a moment. "My lady… what if a man was to approach you?"_

 _She laughed harshly. "As if that would ever happen. Like the rest of the Schnee family, I look like trash."_

 _Jaune approached her with a nervous skip in his step. His heart was beating faster than a cocaine addict's during a real good rush… not that I would know what that feels like._

" _My lady, for as long as I can remember, I've always admired you from a distance, and I don't just mean while you're in the shower." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "From the moment I saw you raid that town full of innocent kitten faunus, I knew I wanted you."_

 _She turned to him, eyes wider than her waistline. "Jaune, what are you saying?"_

" _I thought I was speaking clearly, but I'll repeat myself anyway," he said. "My lady, for as long as I can remember, I've always admired you from a distance, and I don't just mean while you're in the shower. From the moment I saw you raid that town full of innocent kitten faunus, I knew I wanted you."_

" _Yeah, I thought that's what you said. Jaune, is what your saying true?"_

" _My words are as real as the wage gap between faunus and human."_

 _Winter's heart fluttered at his words._

 _Could it be? Had the man who could give her what she desperately wanted literally just walked through her door. Probably not, as Jaune was the only one who walked in, but he would still do nicely._

" _Jaune… if you truly mean what you say… then I must ask you to follow me."_

 _She led him two steps away from the balcony and back to her bed. It was just as well she had led the way, otherwise he might have gotten lost._

 _She laid down sensually on the bed made of lien, nearly instantly falling asleep due to how comfy it was, but she fought off her drowsiness._

" _If you would be so kind as to join me, Jaune."_

 _Jaune's lip quivered. The woman of his dreams was offering herself to him. He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming._

 _He then punched himself for extra measure._

 _It was only when started chopping off his toes did he realise that this was very real._

 _He pounced on the bed, the lien flying into the air. Money rained down on the couple as they explored each other's mouths, their tongues fighting for dominance as they sunk into carnal pleasure._

 _His tongue swirled in her mouth like a washing machine. Their slimey muscles licked across each other's teeth, making them more shiny and clean than any toothbrush in the world._

 _He stated like lips. She also tasted like lips._

 _Quite thrilling._

 _They pulled away from each other, a thin trail of saliva connecting them like some kind of sticky bondage toy. They stared into each other's eyes, getting lost in the windows of their souls._

 _He looked at her and saw a woman who was giving everything she wanted from the day she was born. Clothes, jewels, cars, she had it all. Yet it did nothing to fill the void in her heart. Every mission she went on, every victory she claimed, nothing would ease the pain inside of her. She would walk through life barely living, but not quite dead. She was looking for that special something to make her feel whole again._

 _She looked at him and saw a guy trying to get some._

 _They lost themselves again, the pair crawling and rubbing against each other like a limbless man trying to wrestle. He bit, she scratched, he nipped, she occasionally cartwheeled. Love was a drug, and they were junkies._

 _Her legs wrapped around his waist and locked him tight to her, preventing him from leaving or going to the toilet._

 _This was it. The moment they'd been waiting for. It was time for a void to get a good ol' filling._

" _My lady… I…" His voice was husky and his words were shaky._

" _Shhh," she whispered, placing a finger over his lips. His voice was super annoying when he was out of breath. "Service the lady."_

 _Nodding like a man about to service the lady, he brought his member closer to her entrance. At first he gently prodded it, before making the plunge. His eyes lit up and he gasped, collapsing onto her form. She shut her eyes, hissing through her teeth as she felt him inside her. The two held each other close, getting used to this new feeling._

 _It was in this moment that they were truly connected, both body and soul. They were two beings, who would only be separated if someone were to sever the spiritual bonds of love that now tied the two lovers together._

 _It felt alright._

" _Oh yes," Jaune moaned in blissful mediocrity. "I've never felt so average before."_

" _Me too," she smiled, tussling his hair. "Not a thing in the world can ruin this rather adequate moment right now."_

 _He began thrusting in and out of here, eager to feel more of this very mundane feeling. He went in and out, then in and out, then in and out, then in and out, then in and out, then… in and out._

 _She moaned through it all, causing Jaune to worry that she was getting bored. He started pulling funny faces to try and fix that, which he got a slap for later._

 _They picked up the pace, going faster than before. Their bodies were sweatier than a fat guy jogging. The air in the room was thick with the smell of love making, like some kind of sexual gas chamber._

 _Indeed, a butler came in to see what all the noise was about, only to pass out from the orgy fumes._

 _The two were like animals, wild and unfocused. The bed creaked and collapsed under their actions, the lien flying out the window and landing at a local charity, who were very grateful for the surprising donations._

 _Undeterred with their love nest breaking, they continued to ravish each other until the floorboards started to creak. Eventually they too gave way, having the pair fall through the floor and onto the dining room table. The people sitting there were horrified - they're dinner ruined because of two people boinking on the table - and left in disgust._

 _Jaune grabbed her breasts. He didn't really know what to do with them, so he let go of them. Winter rolled them around so that she was on top this time. Her hair fell down her face and kept getting in his mouth because of this._

 _The pair had climaxed long ago, but they kinda forgot about it. They continued with their humping activities, mostly because there was nothing better to do. They could try some of the food that was left out, but it was mostly just lamb salad and pappardelle._

 _You know, rich people shit._

" _I love you, Winter," he said, gagging on a few strands of white hair._

 _Realization hit Winter like a bitch slap. Someone had finally said the words she had been waiting to hear for so long. Her life had finally come full circle, oval and just about any other round shape that existed._

 _She could finally feel her frozen heart beginning to melt. The warmth of the world made itself known again…_

… _only trouble was, she found she couldn't stop melting._

 _She looked at her hands in horror. They were melting and dripping onto the floor before her eyes. Every part of her body was liquefying._

" _Winter, my love!" Jaune cried out in horror, kicking the melting woman off his manhood. He didn't want lady water getting all over him. "What is happening to you!?"_

" _I… I think I understand, Jaune," Winter whispered sadly. "I've been so frozen to the rest of the world, I had forgotten what warmth felt like. My body can't cope with it, so your love is melting me."  
_

" _No!" Jaune wept. "I won't let this happen. We were supposed to have a future together. We'd get married, have a bunch of kids, build a white picket fence around our house. You know, the dream! Don't want the dream, Winter?"_

" _Of course I want the dream, Jaune," she smiled softly through her melting face. "But dreams are for sleepyheads, and it's time for me to wake up."_

 _Her body started to deflate and sag like a bouncy castle after some shit kid pops it with a pin. Jaune tried to hold on to her as best he could, but his happy future was quite literally slipping through his fingers._

" _No, this can't be happening," he sobbed. This was sadder than the time he had dropped his ice-cream on the floor when he was a kid. It was hot as balls that day, and he didn't get another one._

 _His mother had bought him some broccoli instead, that bitch._

" _Goodbye Jaune," she bubbled. "Remember me as I was, but not as I am now." With those parting words, her face disappeared into the puddle that was now her body."_

 _Jaune wept for two hours over the loss of his love, then another hour for that ice-cream he had lost. Once done though, he held his head up high, his eyes burning with determination._

" _I will live on for you, my love," he said confidently, looking down at the puddle with conviction. "You may be a stain on the floor, but you'll never be a stain in my life."_

 _He saluted the soggy remains of his love, then began to leave the dining room, ready to live on how she would have wanted._

 _But not before accidentally slipping on her and landing on his back._

 _ **The End**_

[/]

The three girls stared down at the book, barely comprehending what they just read.

For once, complete silence filled Team RWBY's room. The rest of the world was shut off to them as they looked at the pages in silent horror.

Yang's fingers trembled a bit, before she dropped the book onto the floor, landing with a soft thud on the carpet.

It was then that all hell broke loose.

"What the hell was that!?" Yang cried.

"My sister…" Weiss whispered. "She wrote about my sister… doing _that_ with… with…"

She didn't finish the sentence, instead rushing to the toilet to puke away the impure memory.

"I feel like I've just aged ten years," Ruby moaned. "Who knew Blake was capable of stuff like this? Guess it's true what they say about being careful of the quiet ones."

"That was… just… oh my God, that was awful," Yang cried. "Isn't Blake supposed to be a bookworm? How can she churn out such crap? And why'd she use people we know as characters!?"

"Maybe she's written one about us too. Here, let me check."

Yang pulled the book away from Ruby. "Oh no, this thing doesn't get opened ever again, Ruby. I mean there's filth, and then there's… this! I mean, surely she knows how bad it is, right?"

"Well, we can't say that to her. We're not supposed to be reading it, remember?"

"I know, I know." Yang looked down at the book and shuddered. "Sheesh Blake, you're a weird little kitty, aren't you?"

Weiss emerged from the toilet, looking a lot paler than usual.

"When I see that dirty little feline again, I'm going to make her heel!" Weiss shouted.

"You can't, otherwise she'll know we read it."

"Who cares? She's writing porn - really bad porn, as well - about our friends. Maybe even us too. Don't you want an explanation for that!?"

"Yeah, it's kinda weird," Yang murmured. "But it feels even weirder asking her about it."

"Not to me it doesn't! I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind when I next see her. How dare she write that kind of debauchery about my sister and that bufoo-"

A noise behind them had interrupted their train of thought. They looked behind them, to see Team JNPR standing in the doorway.

"Uh, are we interrupting something?" Jaune asked the trio.

After what they just read, they could barely look him in the eye.

* * *

 **Was it good for you?**

 **Anyway, this is more of a side story if anything. I'll only update it every now and then, as sort of a mini hobby on the side. My two main stories still require my attention, so they will always come first. That being said, I will write more of this when an idea comes.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this for what it was worth xD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Why, hello there~**

 **I left you all pretty high and dry for a while now, but now its time to get frisky again. Get comfy, because Constable Paperbag - or Daddy Paperbag, as some of you might want to call me - is here to make you scream "Oh, a new chapter. That's kinda neat, I guess."**

 **I won't say anymore now, as I'm sure some of you are as wild as rabid dogs right now, brimming with passion, energy and perhaps a few diseases.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

Team RWBY were acting really strange. At least, that's what Pyrrha thought, anyway.

The team of girls usually got involved in so many crazy adventures, that there was very little that could phase them anymore. They took everything in stride like a duck to water, moving from one wacky antic to another.

So that's why it was unusual to see them look so surprised as what they were now. Their mouths were hung open like a gaping fish, their eyes as wide as a mackerel's and their breathing was sporadic, like a fish struggling for breath.

Something was fishy indeed…

"So, uh… you guys alright?" Jaune asked. "We heard shouting, so we thought we'd investigate."

"Wouldn't want you guys throwing a party without us," Nora laughed.

"There is no party," Weiss stammered, looking strangely more pale than usual. "Your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary."

"Oh, well that's a relief," Pyrrha said. "But what was all that noise about then?"

"We, uh… we saw a spider," Yang nervously laughed. Did her hands always tremble like that? "Yeah, that was it. The creepy little thing was scurrying across the floor, so I guess we freaked out a little bit."

Team RWBY nodded in unison to that. Something was still a little odd, though.

"We fight creatures like Deathstalker's for a living," Jaune said slowly. "And you're scared of a spider?"

"W-Well, it surprised us," Ruby quickly said. "One minute we were just doing our own thing, the next we saw a creepy bug in our room. You guys would act the same way."

"Yeah, I feel you, Ruby," Nora nodded. "Renny here turns into a scaredy cat whenever he sees a bug."

"Only when you put them down my shirt," Ren cried. "I still haven't forgiven you for that time with the worm."

"How else is a girl gonna wake you up?" she sighed. "I mean, putting them in your hair when your sleeping doesn't work, so I figured- oh, ah, you weren't meant to hear that part."

While Ren was raving at Nora for putting anything other than pink hair dye in his hair, Pyrrha and Jaune focused their attention on Team RWBY. They still weren't totally convinced about their spider story, but they decided to let the matter drop.

"Hey, how come Blake isn't here?" Jaune pointed out. "Is she out doing faunus stuff again?"

It sounded like the trio said yes, but it was difficult to tell when they were mumbling and looking down at the ground. None of them would meet his eyes, despite the fact he was standing right in front of them.

"Uh, guys? I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but… my eyes are up here."

Ruby was the first to look up, her face matching the colour of her cape. Even when she looked up, she still had trouble focusing on him. It almost looked like it was physically hurting her to do so.

"What? What's the matter with me? Is there something on my face?" He started touching his face for any imperfections.

"It's not that," Weiss sighed. "It's just… well, it's long story."

"Thank God it wasn't too long," Yang mumbled.

"What was a long story?" Pyrrha said, getting a little annoyed on her partner's behalf. These girls were barely meeting her partner's eyes and were beating around the bush. It was becoming incredibly frustrating. "Has someone been saying something about Jaune? If anyone's been spreading rumours about him, I'll- oh, who's book is that?"

Yang's eyes went wide as she stared at the black book in her hands. She quickly held it behind her back and shook her head violently.

"Book? What book? I dunno what you're talking about," she laughed maniacally. "You're talking crazy, cereal girl."

"Yang… I just saw you move it behind your back."

"No you didn't. You didn't see that, you have no proof."

Pyrrha sighed and turned to Weiss, who was looking just as uncomfortable as the rest of her team.

"Weiss, is Yang holding a book behind her back?"

She grinned as she watched the heiress tremble at the question. Everyone knew that Weiss was a stickler for the rules, and just even thinking about lying brought the girl pain. To her credit, she did at least look like she was trying to keep the truth to herself, but it seemed to be a losing battle.

Her teeth were chattering. Sweat was running down her pale complexion, until she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, okay, she is," Weiss cried. "Just don't make me say anymore!"

Yang cursed Weiss for her goodie two-shoes-ness, but still kept the book behind her back. "Fine, it's Blake's story journal. You happy now?"

"Blake writes stories?" Jaune asked. "That's pretty neat. My mom's an author, herself. Can we read some?"

"No!" Yang snapped, jumping backwards as he got closer. "It's her private property. No one's allowed to read it."

"If it's private, then why are you reading it?"

"Because we're her team. Teams share things, you know."

"Also, it's awful," Ruby stated, instantly putting a hand over her mouth as she said the words.

"Ruby," Pyrrha scolded. "That's Blake's hard work you're talking about. You should know better than to insult it like that."

"No, P-Money, you don't understand," Yang shuddered. "There's stuff in here that isn't meant for mortal eyes. I'm serious, we used to be innocent little girls until we read this thing. It's evil, I tell you!"

"Weiss, is this true?" Pyrrha asked her. The pale girl had no problem spilling the beans on this one.

"Unfortunately, it is" she sighed. "Sadly, our resident bookworm isn't quite the literary genius she might think she is. The stuff in here makes me really question her choice of literature… and sanity."

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," Jaune laughed. "C'mon, let us read some. It's probably better than you think."

"No!" Weiss cried, holding her arms out defyingly in front of Yang, who still had the book shielded behind her back. "Not you, not your team, not anyone! Jaune, I'm telling you this as a kindness; spare yourself."

"Okay, now I know you're overreacting," he sighed. "Just let us read one story, then we'll stop."

"No one's getting this book," Yang growled. "So you best forget about- hey, what the hell!?"

The book was floating out of Yang's hand and into Pyrrha's, the redhead deciding she had had enough of this nonsense. Using her polarity, she forced it out of Yang's hands, much to the blonde's dismay. She met Yang's annoyed and frightened gaze with a smirk.

"How did you-"

"The book has staples in it," she grinned. She loved her Semblance at the best of times. "Now keep still and this will be over before you know it."

"No, Pyrrha!" Ruby wailed. "Don't leave us like this!"

Honestly, Ruby always wanted to be treated like an adult, but she wasn't helping her cause by acting like this. In fact, none of them were. Honestly, how bad could a few stories be?

She started reading the opening page. Shadowcat? That must have been Blake's pen name. It sounded appropriate for her, though why she was using a pen name in her own private journal was anyone's guess.

And what was this? Romantic works? Aww, so Blake was a romance writer? That was wonderful. She didn't take her for the romantic sort, but then again there was lot she didn't know about her. She was secretly into lovey-dovey books herself, so perhaps they could bond over that?

She flicked through the pages, skimming through how much she had written. They seemed to be all short stories, barely taking up any more than a few pages. They seemed like easy reads, and-

Wait a minute… was that her name included in one of the titles.

Yes. Yes it was.

"Jaune, look at this," she said. "Blake's written a story about me." Her partner came to her side and looked at the pages.

"No, don't!" Yang cried, but her words fell on deaf ears.

"A story about you?" he asked. "Seems a little weird, don't you think?"

"Oh, I don't mind," she said cheerily. She often received mail from her fans writing fan stories about her. Some were even quite good, although there were many that had her cringing. "Besides, I'm want to know what Blake is capable of."

She could hear Team RWBY whimpering in the background when she said that. Really, where was their support for their teammate?

She began to read the story, excited to see what was written about her.

[/]

 _ **Qrowmeo x Pyrrhiet - A tragic romance by Shadowcat**_

 _Valeona was in a time of turmoil._

 _The two most powerful families in the city - the Montygues and the Capoumlets - were constantly at war with each other. Their fights tore the city apart, leaving thousands of property damage, civil unrest and putting Godzilla out of work for the day._

 _Despite several warnings to cease their bickering, the two families fought each other at any given moment. Their chaos was bringing the city to its knees. If they didn't stop their pointless conflict, the once proud names of both families would disappear, scattered to the wind like autumn leaves._

 _Either that or dandruff._

 _That being said, it seemed like their battles were destined to go on forever. But a new wind was about to blow for both families, thanks to two people; Qrowmeo Montygue and Pyrrhiet Capoumlet._

 _Speaking of the latter, Pyrrhiet was standing on the edge of her balcony, staring longingly out into the distance. Her heart ached in her chest, and each beat caused melancholic pain to swarm through her body like a horde of rapier wasps._

 _Every second away from her lover's arms was agony for her._

" _O Qrowmeo, Qrowmeo," she sighed. "Wherefore art thou, Qrowmeo?"_

 _Pyrrhiet's whole life had been one of isolation and frustration. Her father kept auctioning her off to every rich man in Valeona, like she was some prized chicken. As such, she had never got to experience the true meaning of the word 'love'._

 _She walked a lonely road, the only one that she had ever known. She didn't know where it would go, but it was home to her and she walked alone. At least, she used to. That was until she met him._

 _She had first met her dear Qrowmeo at a ball hosted by her father. He had spiked the punch and everyone ended up rutting like animals. She had ended up bouncing on his pogo-stick until the early hours of the morning. It was only when she woke up in his arms - whilst also being sandwiched between seven other people - did she want to spend the rest of her life with that beautiful man._

 _Now, if only he would show up on time. She wanted another piece of that tailfeather._

 _Suddenly, a bird flew past her and landed on her bedroom floor. By some unholy magic that set her passions ablaze, the bird started to transform into a man. A sexy man. A sexy man with sexy eyes, a sexy hairstyle and a sexy beard and- unnf!_

" _Good morrow, Pyrrhiet," Qrowmeo burped. His sexy breath making the room sexy. "Sorry I'm late. I wast at the liquor store."_

" _Oh, Qrowmeo, thee needeth not apologise," she swooned. "Thy presence alone is valorous-enow."_

" _Gladth to hear, dollface," he grinned, slapping her on the ass. It jiggled. "Now, before we receiveth down to business, what sayeth we have something to lighteneth the mood?"_

 _Before she could ask what that mean, Qrowmeo pulled out from behind his cape a brown paper bag. He fished out from it a bottle of ye olde vodka. Her eyes lit up at the sight of the liquid magic._

" _Here's to our love," he slurred, pouring out shots for the both of them. They clinked glasses and downed their drinks in one gulp._

 _Pyrrhiet's nerves were on fire. The drink was the flame for the kindling in her loins._

" _Thou bring'st some good shit, my love," she fluttered._

" _Only the most wondrous for you, baby cakes."_

 _Pyrrhiet eyed her lover up and down. She wanted this succulent piece of man meat all for herself, but she felt something holding her back. She couldn't quite describe it, but something was preventing her from pouncing on him and ruffling his feathers._

" _The lady doth protest," he said, rushing to her side. "What blight's thee, my love?"_

 _She looked up at her alpha. "Dearest Qrowmeo, I am scared. I am uncertain of what shall cometh of this."_

" _Sweetheart, it shall beest like last time. I shall putteth my dick in thy-"_

" _Nay, not that," she said. "I am scared of what shall befall us after this. What if someone findth out about us? I dread having to be away from you. It would maketh me feel bad."_

 _Qrowmeo started to look, like, really confident or whatever, and held her close in his man arms. "My love, curse the world who would keep me away from thine ass." His eyes held a fiery determination that was making her panties melt. "Should'st anyone try to take thou away from me, I'll kicketh the shite out of them."_

 _Thank God he was holding her, otherwise she would've collapsed to the floor like a sack of donuts._

 _As long as she had Qrowmeo and her trust fund, nothing else in the world mattered._

" _Oh, Qrowmeo, thou art so brave," she sighed. "How doth thou do it?"_

" _You know me, Pyrrhiet," he grinned, sweeping a hand through his hair. "Badass beeth my middle name."_

 _That was true. He had sent two of her cousins to the hospital and actually killed another. The thought of it was turning her on even more._

" _Then let us not wasteth anymore time," she cried. "I needeth thou inside me. I needeth thine dagger in my sheath, thine quiver in my ink bottle, thine soldier in my barracks."_

" _Thine innuendos maketh me hot," he grinned. "T'will be a night to remember, indeed."_

 _They both starting undressing. Qrowmeo pulled his clothes of slowly, though whether that was to be sexy or because he was drunk was anyones guess. Pyrrhiet practically slid out of her clothes, her bodily fluids turning her into a human slip-n-slide._

 _Qrowmeo's naked body was bared for all to see. Every inch of him was elegant and defined. His pectoral muscles were large and bulging, almost like another appendage of his. The hot air made a small trickle of sweat leak down them, stopping at the tips of the nipples, making her want to suckle on them like a newborn babe._

 _His abs - all six of them - were like bricks on a stomach. Qrowmeo lived a dangerous life, and so his body was physically built for danger. Those things looked like they could stop anything; sword, bullet, poisoned stinger, you name it. She couldn't wait to touch them, rub her hands on them and feel their rigidness in her palms._

 _Every muscle in his body was perfectly refined. His biceps looked like boulders on his strong, beefy arms. Those same arms could shield the world from danger if he was to simply cradle it. If the human body was a temple, then his was a damn fortress, complete with soldiers, squires and a queen soon enough, once she found herself snuggled between them again._

 _Scars etched across his body, but they weren't the ugly ones, like when you get acne, nor were they too thick that he looked like a human crossword puzzle. These scars were faint, but each spoke of a life of hardship and danger. Truly, it was like he was carved out of wood, or some other sexy material. Like concrete._

 _Pyrrhiet had tits and a snatch._

 _She sat down on the bed and leaned back, grinning like any woman in front of such an adonis. She started pouring oil over herself._

 _He liked that._

 _Then she started pouring baby powder over herself._

 _He really liked that._

 _Then - the pièce de résistance - she started pouring birdseed over every inch of her body._

 _That set him over the edge. He pounced on her body and started licking every part of her. His tounge devoured her, like a fat kid with an ice-cream cone. They were both ice-cream that night; she was a calm, elegant vanilla, whilst he was a hot, steamy chocolate with a hint of salt._

 _Just feeling that warm, sponge muscle on her form made her gush right there. She exploded in his face like a water balloon, and he drank her up as quickly as what he did with booze._

" _Goddamneth, Pyrrhiet," he chuckled. "Thou art so dirty right now."_

" _Dirty for thou, Qrowmeo," she moaned. "I am a dirty, dirty wench."_

" _What dose thou want me to do?" he teased, biting her neck like that of vampire, or a mentally ill bat faunus._

" _Fucketh the shite out of me!" she cried._

 _He shrugged, and got his thirteen-inch passion arm at the ready. He started poking at her entrance, like someone dipping their two in a hot bath. Testing the waters, so to say. But Pyrrhiet's waters weren't too warm, nor were they infested with sharks. They were just right for his rod to go fishing in._

 _He inserted himself in her, got a little stuck due to the initial tightness, but quickly adjusted. Pyrrhiet was on cloud nine, cloud ten, all the fucking clouds in the sky. He was touching all of her insides, including the ones she didn't even know she had._

 _His dick was like a surfboard, riding alone the waves of her pleasure. Her tongue rolled out and started getting drool all over the rich, satin sheets. That would be a bitch to clean up, but none of that mattered. All that mattered was the two of them._

 _He was like a machine, pumping in and out of her. He must have been a plumber in a past life, as he knew how to handle her pipes so well. She felt pure with him inside her. The outside world was filthy, full of conflict between their families. Not here. Here the only conflict was who could spunk the hardest._

" _O trespass sweetly urged!" she cried. "My sin! Give me my sin again!"_

" _Oh, I'm about to, you wench" he grunted, smacking with the force of a dream machine against her._

 _He climaxed inside her with an explosion of creamy passion. She laid on the bed, panting like a bitch in heat. That was good. That was gosh darn good._

 _But they weren't done yet._

" _Trespass me from behind," she whispered, getting on all fours and wiggling her white girl rear in front of him._

 _At first, he accidently stuck it in her asshole twelve times. Each time he claimed it was his Semblance that made him do this. She believed him, for he was too noble of heart to lie to her. He eventually found her flaps though, and the style of the dog could begin._

 _Forget the clouds, Pyrrhiet was on another level of existence right now. The feel of him slapping against her booty was incredible. He was hitting all the spots in the alphabet, not just the G one. She was fairly certain he was hitting a few numbers as well._

 _God, his peepee was the best._

 _He slapped her ass, leaving a mark as red as her hair. Maybe if she was lucky, he would plant one on her face someday. Her beloved Qrowmeo truly did have magic hands. She moaned his name with every slap, for the name tasted like honey on her lips._

 _Her mind was fuzzy yet so clear right now. War. Strife. Conflict. None of it mattered. She had often sought the true meaning of happiness, but had always failed in her search. Now though, she understood the meaning of happiness, the meaning of everything._

 _And it was all thanks to Qrowmeo's dick in her cooch._

" _Forsooth! I beeth about to cum!" he grunted in between pounding her._

" _Go forth! Let thy juices flow!" she moaned. She nearly flew off his penis from the force of his ejaculation. She cried out in love with a little cheeky hint of passion. She hadn't felt this full on love then that time she had ate a whole box of valentines day chocolates by her miserable self._

 _The two lovers held each other in their arms, coming down from the peaks of Mt Horny. Their breathing was ragged, their vision blurry, their words slurred. To an outsider, it might seem like they were having a stroke, but the only thing making their brain fuzzy was love._

 _Forbidden, sinful, absolute rebel love._

" _Thou art… pretty good," Qrowmeo breathed. Any compliment from him made her heart beat harder than an abusive husband._

" _Thanketh God no one was around to see that," she breathed. "If anyone found out, there wouldst beest a scandal."_

" _Balderdash," he scoffed. "There's not a thing in the world that couldst separateth us."_

 _Suddenly, a thing in the world that couldst separateth them burst through the door. In the broken doorway was a man who wasn't nearly as sexy as Qrowmeo. He had a scorpion tail, a bitchface, and the voice of a man who was probably a bottom._

 _It was her vile cousin, Tyribalt!_

" _Whateth the hell be going on here!?" he squeaked out. "Pyrrhiet, sweet cousin. Why hast thou canoodled with the enemy?"_

" _Pisseth off, cousin," she shouted. "This is what love looketh like."_

" _If this be love-" he snarled, readying his stinger, "-then love dies!"_

 _Qrowmeo leapt out of bed to defend the lady. He pulled his sword out from his cape and squared up against the scorpion man. It was crow vs scorpion, the ultimate smackdown. Pyrrhiet cursed that she didn't have popcorn with her._

" _You besteh back off," Qrowmeo snarled. "Otherwise thou art about to get even uglier."_

" _Begone, wretched man!" Tyribalt shouted and leapt at him with the strength of a raging pansy._

 _Qrowmeo dodged the attack with the amount of grace you'd expect from a man of his fortitude. The two then clashed; sword met stinger, red eyes met gold, order met chaos. Qrowmeo fought naked the entire time, for clothes were such baggage and would only slow him down. Tyribalt briefly considered getting naked, but he knew he wouldn't look nearly as good._

 _They lunged at each other, jumping across every corner of the room. The two were skilled warriors, each being able to parry each strike sent from their opponent, but it was clear who the victor would be. Qrowmeo fought with the strength of a lion, whilst Tyribalt fought with the strength of someone_

 _getting the shit kicked out of them by someone with the strength of a lion._

 _With a grin, Qrowmeo used his massive dong to sweep Tyribalt's legs underneath him. Falling through the air and flapping his arms like a dodo faunus, Tyribalt landed with a smack on his rump._

" _No, haveth mercy!" Tyribalt winged._

" _Ah, but didst thou not hear?" Qrowmeo pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "Birds eateth bugs."_

 _With that devilishly clever line said, Qrowmeo brought his sword down, piercing Tyribalt in the heart._

 _Pyrrhiet watched her cousin bleed out, flopping on the floor like a fish on dry land. His hand reached out towards her, almost like a last desperate plea for help. She sat back and watched as the light dimmed from his eyes, and last breath of air leaving his lips. Her cousin lay in a pool of his own blood, his final moments alive etched in her memory._

 _That._

 _Was._

 _ **Hot!**_

" _Pretty cool, righteth?" Qrowmeo smirked. "Now, enough murder. What say we go back to dry hump-"_

 _He never finished his sentence as he slipped on her cousin's blood. Tragically, he fell right on Tyribalt's stinger, which was still very poisonous. The stinger pierced his skin and sent poison coursing through his bloodstream. His blood was already pretty poisoned from alcohol abuse, but now it was, like, super poisoned. He could probably piss acid now if he wanted to._

 _Qrowmeo gasped in pain as he felt penetration for the first time. Pyrrhiet wailed and rushed to his side. She knew much of her cousin's poison. Qrowmeo was now not long for this world. He had mere minutes. Maybe seconds if he hurried up, but then again, he had always been a bit lazy._

" _My love… I'm dying," he gasped._

" _Yup," she sobbed, liquid molten hot anguish streaming down her emerald orbs._

" _Do not weep for me," he said softly, grasping her cheek in his hand. "I've always loved you. I may not be made of metal… but you've always pulled me towards you."_

 _A joke about her Semblance… she would have felt horny if circumstances weren't so shitty right now._

" _Just promise me, my love," he wheezed. "Promise me thou will live longer than me. My wings were clipped long ago, but thou still has a chance to soar. Taketh to the skies, my love, and never… look...down…"_

 _He died in her arms the second he said that._

 _Pyrrhiet wept until her eyes were sore, but soon dusted herself off. Qrowmeo would not approve of her moping, and she intended to honour his memory. She would probably never find love again, but he would always live on inside her._

" _Farewell, sweet prince," she whispered, kissing him on the forehead. "Until we see each other again."_

 _She held her head up high and wore a proud look on her face. Never look down. Her lover had never been wrong before and he wasn't gonna start now, even in death. She began walking, not looking what she was standing on, for her gaze was locked forward._

 _Which is why, in the worst case of whoopsie-daisy ever, she slipped on the blood on the floor._

 _She fell to the ground and just narrowly missed her cousin's stinger. She was about to sigh in relief, when she saw herself falling towards Qrowmeo's sword. She landed on the weapon, the blade sticking out her back._

 _Darkness clouded her vision as she made peace with her God's. Only one thought ran through her mind as she felt the cold hands of death creep across her body._

' _Qrowmeo's Semblance beeth a bitch…'_

 _ **The End**_

[/]

Pyrrha finished reading the final words on the page, just barely comprehending what she had just read.

She considered herself to be a sane and rational person. Her eyes and her mind had never played tricks on her before, and her mental health was always in check. She sometimes questioned herself and her skill, but she never had to wonder if she was living in some kind of dream world. She was, and always would be, a person rooted in reality.

Which is why she could not accept that something like this could ever exist. It simply did not belong in this world. She must have drank some of Ren's nutrition drink earlier, because what she just read had to have been a hallucination of some kind.

Apparently it wasn't though, as Jaune began to speak up.

"That was, er… something," he stammered, gently taking the book away from her trembling fingers. "I… honestly didn't expect that from Blake. She always seemed pretty normal to me."

"She's sick in the head is what she is," Weiss snapped. "I think she's been wearing her bow too tight. No normal person imagines filth like that."

"And it's not just Pyrrha," Yang shuddered. "We think she's done this to everyone."

"Seriously? You gotta be kidding me." He started flicking through the pages, his face going pale with each page turned. "Oh my God, you're right! Jesus, she's got one for all of us, including me!" His eyes squinted for a moment. "Who's Winter?"

"Never you mind!" Weiss snapped, snatching the book away from him. "Now do you understand what we were talking about. This book is simply too obscene for anyone's eyes."

"Now you are one of us," Ruby trembled, rocking in a dark corner of the room. "We stared into the abyss… and it didn't like us very much."

"I gotta be honest, I'm feeling pretty weird right now," he agreed. "If art imitates life… well, I don't really wanna know much about Blake's life anymore." He turned back to look at his partner, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay, Pyr? Wanna sit down?"

She threw her arms around him and held him tight. Her body trembled against him. "I feel cold," she whimpered, her voice little more than a hoarse whisper.

"This cannot continue," Weiss groaned. "If she keeps doing this, she'll have porn stories of everyone in Beacon." That would have sounded ridiculous, if what they had read wasn't so mentally scarring.

"What's this about porn?" Nora asked, finally joining in the conversation. "Has Blake written porn? Ooh, ooh, can I read some. I bet it's hot."

"No more!" Ruby wailed within the darkness. "No more…"

"Sorry, Nora, but the book's off limits," Jaune sighed. "Trust me, this is one can of worms you don't want to open." Unaware to him, Ren shuddered at the mere mention of the word worm.

"Yang, she's your partner, you have to talk to her about this," Weiss sighed.

"What would you have me say? 'Excuse me, Blakey, but we read your private porn journal. Can you stop writing stories about us doing the nasty? Thanks bestie.'"

"Just anything. I can't sleep soundly whilst that exists. How about burning it then?"

"Oh no, we're not gonna turn into book burners just yet," Ren said. "Listen, perhaps we can reach an understanding with her. If she wants to write… whatever it is you just read, maybe we can convince her to stop using us as reference."

"I dunno, Ren," Yang groaned. "Blake's always been a stubborn one. Besides, I don't really wanna reveal to her that we read her stuff. It's an invasion of privacy."

"I'm... surprised you're even concerned about that."

"Hey, I gotta have some morals, don't I?"

"Okay, whatever, let's just put this thing away first," Jaune said, putting the book away in the drawer with Pyrrha still clinging on to him. "We'll solve this problem later. For now, we must all agree that we'll never read this book again."

Everyone nodded, some more frantically than others.

"Wanna go home, wanna go home, wanna go home," Pyrrha mumbled to herself.

"See, this what it's doing to people!" Weiss cried. "This book is a mind killer!"

"Shh, we're going home, Pyr," Jaune said softly, rubbing the girl's back. "So, uh, thanks for having us around, girls. Hope things clear up around here." On that note, Team JNPR quickly exited the room, heading back to the purity of their own dorm.

[/]

Blake walked back to her dorm room, feeling pretty merry about things.

She had completed her faunus stuff for the day, and now it was time to return back to her beloved team. Her day was now completely free, so she wondered how she would spend the rest of the time. They could do a team bonding exercise, go for a walk in Vale, see a movie…

… or maybe she could write more in her journal…

She silently squeed at the idea. She never got tired of writing her beloved stories in her free time. Remnant was a stage, and it's people were the players. And she considered herself to be the greatest playwright in existence.

She was never short of material, thanks to her taking inspiration from the world around her. With her genius and skill, she was able to transform the world and people around her through the power of the written word, in order to create something… beautiful.

Yes, beautiful was what best described her work- no, her art.

She made her way back to her room and was surprised to see Team JNPR walking out of it. Nora and Ren looked normal enough, whilst Jaune and Pyrrha looked slightly traumatised, the latter looking like she had seen a ghost.

It was pretty weird, but she didn't question it. She entered her room and saw her teammates, who were looking to be in a similar state to JNPR just now.

"Hey guys," she waved, confused at their demeanor. "What's wrong, you all look kinda down."

"Um… we saw a spider," Weiss mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense," Blake nodded. Spiders were vile creatures. "How come Team JNPR was here?"

"Oh, they just wanted to say hi," Yang stammered. She never thought she would ever hear her confident, loud-mouthed partner stammer. It didn't suit her. "You know how it is."

"Yeah, I guess." She looked round the room to see her leader, Ruby, trembling in the corner of the room. She seemed to be rocking up and down. "Uh, Ruby? Are you alright?"

"The darkness blinds us," she mumbled manically. "But the light burns too bright to live in…"

Huh… that didn't really sound like Ruby. Come to think of it, all of her team were acting odd. They kept looking at her weirdly and looked, dare she say it, frightened of her.

This was getting a little weird for her. She didn't know what had caused them to act like this, but it was probably best to leave whilst she still could.

"Well, good to see you all again. If you wanna do something together, call me. I'll just be outside for a bit." She slowly backed out of the doorway and left the room. Whatever crazy was infecting her team wasn't getting to her.

She walked down the hallway, contemplating on what just happened. Team RWBY were a bit cuckoo, but they weren't this freaky. She wondered what they might have been doing whilst she was away; those two teams together, locked up in that small room, no one but themselves for company, hormones ripe in the air…

…

She squeed again and started skipping down the hallway. She had just come up with a new story idea.

* * *

 **How dare you!**

 **How dare all of you make me think of a plot for this. What once was a random idea has me now considering the in's and out's of it. You all should be ashamed!**

 **Joking aside, thank you for reading this travesty xD. I still stand by my word that this will only update every now and then, but expect the chapters to be slightly longer when they are. Just, don't expect any good smut from this story anytime soon xD.**

 **Speaking of story, I might have to consider changing the character tags to go along side it. It made sense for the first chapter, but not so much for what I have in mind now. They'll change on the next update though, so if you wanna keep up to date, feel free to add it to your follows.**

 **I do not own Shakespeare. If anything, Shakespeare owns me. Doing drama for 80% of your life will do that to you.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Greetings, pilgrim.**

 **Here's another chapter of this thing. An artist by the name of echollama on Tumblr has kindly let me use one of his drawings as cover art for this. God help the poor soul who one day draws actual fanart for this thing xD. Also, I have now changed the character tags as I promised before, since they are more appropriate for what I have in mind for this story.**

 **Please enjoy the following chapter, whilst I take a good long look at myself in the mirror.**

* * *

 **Cover art - echollama**

* * *

Sitting next to her partner had never felt so awkward before.

Come to think of it, spending _any_ time with Blake now felt awkward for Yang.

It had only been a few days since she and the others stumbled upon her book of horrendous smut - all of which she wrote herself and featured themselves as characters! - and yet the scars had yet to heal. There was just some things you couldn't forget, and this was one of them.

 _What goes on it that weird little head of yours, Blakey?_ The blonde watched her partner casually eat her tuna and sweetcorn sandwich. _You're already imagining me jumping the bone on someone right now, aren't you? Let me guess; Jaune? Ren? Oh God, it better not be Professor Port, you little creep!_

Did she write stories about everyone in Beacon? Was no one safe from her devious little mind? She probably did have a few stories that featured Weiss, Ruby and - God forbid - her as well doing the deed with someone. Some may see that as being flattering, but honestly, it was just too weird to take it as a compliment.

 _I'm onto you, kitty cat... I'm onto you..._

"-but then he said, 'yeah, I guess you're pretty cute for a _ginger_.' That's when I-"

Speaking of weird, Nora was spouting another one of her weird stories. Though to be fair, her style of weird was more refreshing compared to Blake's.

They were all sitting in the canteen, eating their awkwardness away. All of them were feeling pretty uncomfortable after reading some of Blake's sinful musings. Poor Pyrrha hadn't joined them, as she was currently in her team's shower in attempt to become 'pure'.

According to JNPR, she had already showered four times today…

Thankfully, Blake didn't seem like she realised what was going on, but she probably would in time. And when that happened… well, that would just be even more awkward, wouldn't it?

"-and now he has to walk on his elbows-"

"Nora, how on earth does this relate to what we were talking about?" Trust Ren to bring the girl back down to Remnant.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "But it was better than Jaune talk about his mom's boring awards."

"Hey, my mom worked her butt off to get that kind of recognition," the blond noodle complained. "The least you can do is be a little impressed."

"Bleh, writing stories is so slow and boring. But beating up no-good punks? Now that's fun."

Yang saw her partner's eye and bow twitch for a moment, though she quickly recovered from that brief flash of irritation and went back to her sandwich.

Hmm…

"Come now, Nora, we shouldn't be so quick to judge other people's interests," Ren said calmly. "I'm sure there is plenty to be gained from writing a story."

"I doubt it," Nora snorted. "Reading and writing is super lame. I'm pretty sure only nerds get a kick out of it."

Whilst Jaune was defending his mother's honour, Yang saw her partner twitch again. Blake was usually a very composed person, but this was definitely getting under her skin. Reading had always been one of her strongest passions.

Unfortunately so was writing, apparently…

She still hadn't gotten around to confronting Blake about her porn journal. It was just such an awkward topic to approach. She didn't even know how to even start mentioning it in a conversation. She kept putting it off until it was the right time to mention it, but honestly, when would it _ever_ be the right time?

She looked back at Nora at listened to her rant against all forms of reading and writing. She then looked back at her partner, who was occasionally twitching from the girl's harsh words about her passion.

An idea suddenly sparked in her head. She would probably never ask Blake about her journal, but perhaps she could try a different approach in stopping her from writing anymore. Nora's words were bothering her, probably making her feel like a loser in the process.

Maybe she could use that to her advantage? Maybe if she undermined her interests, it would get her to stop writing?

 _Sorry, Blakey. But this has gotta be done._

"Gotta side with Nora on this one, Vomit Boy," Yang cheered loudly, even for her. "Writing stories is a waste of time. Who would wanna spend ages staring at a blank page waiting for words to happen? "

Blake's grip on her fishy sandwich tightened. Oohoo, she touched a nerve there. Maybe this could be her way of getting Blake to stop writing smut, or at the very least, smut about them. Subtlety wasn't in her nature, but she could give it a go.

"I wouldn't expect you to appreciate the quality that a good book has to offer, Yang," Weiss tutted.

No! Damn it, Ice Queen, she didn't know what she was doing!

"All I'm saying is, all the boys I know want nothing to do with wannabe authors." She doubted Blake even worried about that sort of thing, but it was worth a shot. "They like a girl who prefers partying over staying in their room reading all day."

It seemed to be working. Blake was practically radiating with rage, judging from her trembling form. It sucked that she had to jab at Blake like this, but it had to be done. Her partner was a madwoman who needed to be reined in.

"Then you've been associating with wastrels. Being well-read and sharing your vision with the world is one of the most admirable qualities a person can have. Only a fool would say otherwise."

Blake began to simmer down. Damn it, no!

"Yeah, but what if what you write sucks?" Yang challenged. "What if everyone hates your work? What if your forever remembered as the worst writer in history? How could you live with the shame?"

 _C'mon, Weiss, work with me here_. It seemed to be working; Blake no longer looked angry, but instead looked confused and worried. Maybe if she doubted her skill, she'd stop writing her smut. That would be a win-win for all of them.

"Who cares what a few naysayers say?" Weiss scoffed. "How a person feels about their own work is what really matters in the end."

"Even if everyone hates it? Even if if it makes people _uncomfortable_?" She tried speaking the words as slow as possible, praying the heiress would wise up and take the hint. "I mean, it's better to spare yourself the embarrassment than to live with it for the rest of your life, right?"

"I would rather be a laughingstock than a nameless face in the crowd," Weiss said softly yet proudly. "We choose our own paths in life. If I let someone else decide for me how to live my life, I would never be able to forgive myself."

Her dainty little hand clenched into a fist. "When my father forbid me from training to become a huntress, I knew that I had to escape the grasp he had on me. I chose my own passion, my own calling… my own destiny."

She leaned over the table, pale-blue orbs meeting wide lilac ones. "I don't care what the world thinks of me." She hissed out each word. "The world may view Weiss Schnee as a spoilt child defying her rich father, but I know what I did was right for me. I will stand by anyone with a dream and enough spirit to see it through. And if anyone scorns those for having such qualities, then I say, _to hell with them_!"

Nobody at the table said anything, as everyone looked up at the fuming heiress with silent awe.

That was… a pretty good speech. Better than anything she could come up with, anyway.

The funny thing was, she agreed with everything the girl had said. It was important to pursue your dreams and see them out to the end. She had to admit, Weiss could be pretty motivational when she wanted to.

Too bad she motivated the wrong person, as Blake was beaming in the seat next to her. Whatever confusion and doubt she had was long gone. She had never seen her partner look as inspired as what she did now.

 _Congratulations, Weissy. You've created a monster!_

"Well said, Weiss," she smiled through gritted teeth. Whatever happened next was all on her.

"Yeah, Weiss," Ruby chirped up. "That was amazing. I feel motivated already."

"Glad to see I can bring a little common sense out of you all," the girl smirked. "I'll be honest, Yang, I never expected you to slander anyone's dreams. That doesn't seem like you at all."

Oh, sure. She picks up on that, but she can't tell when someone is desperately trying to tell her to shut up!? Yeah, it's good to follow your dreams, but if they make you write porn about your friends whilst following them, your dreams were probably leading you off a cliff!

"Maybe I'm just not feeling like myself," she said, trying to come off as innocent but sounding painfully sarcastic. " _Reading_ has that effect on me."

"Is that so? Then you should read more. It might do your brain some good."

This dumb bitch…

A yelp of surprise and the sound of a tray falling suddenly brought everyone's attention to one side of the cafeteria. Lying on the floor was the timid form of Velvet Scarlatina, rubbing her kneecap and covered in food. She quickly noticed everyone watching her, causing her face to glow red from embarrassment.

Sitting over her was Team CRDL, who were all laughing at the poor girl's misery. Looking closely, Yang saw that Cardin had his leg stuck out.

"Whoops," Cardin chortled. "Better watch where you're going next time, amirite?"

"You guys," Velvet moaned, trying to stand back up again. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything?" Cardin said in mock surprise, quickly pulling his leg back under the table. "Looks to me like you're just being a little clumsy today. You better get going, before you have another accident."

"But-"

"I said beat it, bunny," the bully growled. Velvet's rabbit ears drooped and she picked up whatever was left of her lunch off of the floor. She walked away from his table with her head hung low, the bullies snickering as they watched her go.

Yang clenched her fist in rage. Godammit, those guys sucked. Even though CRDL had stopped doing things like pulling Velvet's ears a long time ago - thanks to a very brutal detention session with Ms Goodwitch - they still found ways to torment the girl. Apparently, tripping her up in public was one of them.

She wanted to beat the snot outta them so bad, but she had to restrain herself. Even though CRDL were a bunch of scumbags, Velvet had to stand up for herself. She was a huntress - one with more experience than them, as she was in her second year. That fact that she had made it into Beacon was proof of her strength, but her timid nature kept holding her back.

As sad as it was to admit, if she wanted to get stronger, she'd have to make the first move herself. Yang beating up CRDL herself wouldn't change anything. She had to be the one to take charge. It just sucked that she kept putting herself through all that misery.

"Poor Velvet," Ruby murmured. "I thought Cardin got over bullying her?"

"Clearly you don't know Cardin," Jaune scoffed. "Even though he doesn't give me a hard time anymore, I can tell he still hates me from the way he looks at me. There's no use trying to change some people."

"Its sucks that someone like him gets to become a hunter," Yang snarled. "It makes the rest of us look bad. He's no better than a common thug."

"Unfortunately, no one says you need to have an upstanding personality in order to become a hunter," Weiss sighed. "Our main purpose in life is to hunt Grimm. As long as he can do that, he's got the job."

"But he's still giving hunters a bad name," Yang snapped. "We're supposed to be peacekeepers too, you know. You seriously expect someone like Cardin to lead a rescue operation?"

"I don't make the rules, Yang," Weiss shrugged. "It simply is what it is. Hopefully though, they'll keep him away from civilian interaction as much as possible. Fighting Grimm is all he's good for."

Yang scoffed. Even that was debatable. She remembered the time when Cardin got attacked by that Ursa and Jaune of all people had to save him. Cardin was all bark but no bite, nothing else.

"Uh, are you okay, Blake?" Ruby said. "You're looking a little out of it."

Yang looked back at her partner. Blake was normally a quiet person, but she was always spoke up when Cardin bullied Velvet just for being a faunus. Being a faunus herself, she was very vocal with her disdain against the leader of CRDL and his racist views.

But this time was different. Her partner was deathly silent and was staring directly at Cardin himself. Her eyes were narrow and her expression unreadable. She almost could've been mistaken for a mannequin if she didn't occasionally blink. Ruby was right, she was looking weird.

Suddenly, Blake rose up out of her chair and walked away from the table. Yang's eyes went wide as she thought her partner was finally gonna give Cardin the roughhousing he deserved. She approached CRDL's table, the bullies oblivious to her presence-

-and then just walked right past them, heading towards the exit of the cafeteria.

Confused, Yang turned round to watch her go. As Blake was walking off, she pulled something out from her jacket pocket. It was small, black, and made a faint clicking noise when she pressed the top of it.

A pen?

…

"Oh shit," Yang gasped, her voice being little more than a weak whisper.

"Language, Yang," Weiss snapped. "Your sister's present."

"I'm not five," Ruby murmured.

Yang ignored her. The situation was to dire to complain about a little swearing. "You guys, don't you have any idea what she's doing!? She's gone to write another porn story!"

"She's what!?" Weiss yelped. "Why would she do that now of all times!"

"Well, maybe she wouldn't have," Yang growled, turning to Weiss as she spoke, "if _someone_ hadn't encouraged her to do so."

"Why are you looking at me? What did I do?"

Yang would have falce-palmed, but the force of it would've probably caused her skull to cave in. "All that stuff I said back there about writing? I was trying to discourage her so that she'd finally stop writing creepy porn about us!" She pointed a finger directly at the heiress' face. "But then you came along and just had to boost her confidence by talking about 'following your destiny' and all that crap!"

"Is that what you were doing!?" Weiss gasped. "Why didn't you say anything? Had I known, I would have told her to eat her own hands, rather than pick up a pen."

Yang slammed her head on the table. Weiss was a rare mixture of genius and idiot all at once. It would've been impressive if it weren't so frustrating.

"Well, she's not getting away with it this time," Weiss growled, standing up out of her chair. "I'm going to give her a piece of my mind."

"Weiss, wait!" Ruby cried. "If you say anything, it'll prove to her that we read her journal."

"Like I give a darn about that," Weiss huffed. "This madness ends here." With that said, she took off to find Blake, somehow managing to sprint in heels. It was so weird how some of the girls in Beacon could do that.

"If it helps, Yang," Jaune spoke up, "I was trying to do the same thing. I mentioned my mom, because I thought she could potentially give Blake some writing advice. I was hoping Blake would ask to meet her when I brought her up."

"What's with everyone speaking in code these days?" Nora asked. "I feel like we're in some kinda spy film. Just say what you mean next time."

Taking advice from Nora. The world truly had gone mad.

Still, maybe what Jaune was offering could do some good. If Blake was gonna continue writing, she might as well get some lessons first. Who knows, she might actually write something decent with a little bit of help, or at the very least something about anyone else but them.

Yang looked up at him. "You really think your mom can help?"

Jaune shrugged. "I mean, yeah, she should be able to. Mom's always been helpful like that. If she had a chat with Blake, she should be able to change what she writes. I can call her tomorrow if you want?"

Yang nodded, as did Ruby and the others. Maybe Jaune's mom, an already established author, could fix Blake up. Then maybe this nightmare they were living in would finally end.

 _You are so not worth this headache, Blake._

[/]

Injustice!

That's what she saw every time she looked at the world around her. The strong picking on the small, the wealthy picking on the poor, the vegetarians picking on the pescetarians for avoiding meat yet still eating fish, even though it was the food of the gods.

And of course the worst of all - racist humans picking on defenseless faunus.

For a moment, Blake had a brief flashback to her time in the White Fang. Some of the crimes she had committed during that time all for the sake of equality were inexcusable. But that was a long time ago. She had since learnt that battles such as that were not fought with weapons, but with words.

Punching Cardin in the face wouldn't change the world. It could not spare Velvet from his cruelty. Only the power of the written word would be able to make a difference in this sick, sad world. Words carried weight, words carried meaning, words carried depth.

And today, her words would help Remnant out of the rut it had found itself in.

She swung her dormroom open with enough force to shake the world and stepped inside. Zwei looked up from his spot on Weiss' bed, but made no effort to approach her. She was on a warpath, and the mangy beast knew better than to get in her way.

She reached into her drawer and pulled out her journal. Gambol Shroud was dear to her, but this journal would always be her most prized possession. There was enough stories inside it to reshape the way the world viewed modern literature.

She flipped through it, looking to find a fresh page to write on. When she found one, she grinned like a hungry tiger and sat down at the desk, ready to get to work.

Yang was a fool. Reading and writing wasn't boring. It was an artform, and she was the artist. She knew her partner wasn't stupid, but she seriously lacked the ability to comprehend this fact. She wasn't blaming her partner for this, a life of booze and anger issues probably did that to a person.

As much as she often butted heads with Weiss, at least she understood. When this was over, she'd have to rewrite that story she wrote about her and Ozpin… well, maybe not _completely_ rewrite it.

But enough of the sideshow! With her sword in her hand, she stabbed the pages with its inky blade. The paper bled ink until the black liquid began to form words that would be studied by the finest scholars of Remnant in years to come.

"For you, Velvet," she whispered as she set about changing the world around her.

[/]

 _ **(B)unny (D)ominates (S)tupid (M)ale - An erotic romance by Shadowcat**_

 _Sometimes life gives you lemons._

 _Unless, of course, you're a Winchester. In which case, life knocks you down, bends you over and fucks you like the dirty bitch that you are._

 _Cardin Winchester was no exception to this, yet he did not realise it until it was too late. His day had started off simple enough; he was minding his own business, thinking about all the different ways he could be an absolute parasite to society, completely unaware of what was about to transpire._

 _Then before he knew it, he was waking up in a dark room, chained to the wall and naked as sin. Kinda like how he was born, especially the sin part._

" _W-Where am I?" he squeaked in his nasally voice. He always sounded like the lovechild of a mouse and a bag of helium. "Someone help me! I fear I'm in danger of being harmed."_

 _An ominous laugh echoed in the shadows. Cardin would have wet himself in fear, had he not already done so before breakfast that morning. The sound of heels clicking against the cold floor could be heard in the distance._

" _Well, well, well," a powerful feminine voice spoke. "Look what the wallaby dragged in."_

 _The lights suddenly turned on, briefly blinding Cardin as his eyes adjusted to the light. Looking around, he saw bondadge toys decorarting the walls like pieces of art. Blindfolds, whips, beartraps, you name it, it was there. The room was like a museum for all things kinky._

 _And there, standing under the spotlight, was the dominating form of Velvet Scarlatina herself. Standing over seven foot and wearing a full leather dominatrix suit, she grinned down at Cardin, enjoying the way he trembled at the mere sight of her. Her eyes, glowing with glee, were slightly hidden underneath the cork hat that she was currently wearing. Her rabbit ears poked out from the top of it and were twitching in anticipation._

 _She held in her hands a leather whip, twisting and turning it in her hands like one would with a Rubik's Cube._

" _V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-Velvet?" Cardin gasped._

" _Ye' alright, mate?" Velvet grinned. "Yer' lookin' a rough right now."_

" _W-What's going on? What am I doing here. Why are you-"_

"' _Fuck up, cunt!" she snapped, cracking the whip on the floor. Cardin squeaked and flinched away from her, shaking like parkinson's. Velvet smirked at the sight of the bitch boy beneath her. "That's better. Now listen up, wanker, cause this is how things are gonna work out. For the next hour, we're gonna have more fun here in this room than a shrimp on the barbie."_

" _I don't understand, Velvet. Why am I here? What do you want with me."_

" _I'm glad ye' asked," she grinned, kneeling down to meet his eyes. "Ye' see, blokes round 'ere are tired of you being such a fuckin' wombat, mate. So I'm 'ere to teach ye' a few lessons, ye' get me?"_

" _Lessons?" The whole thing seemed to ludicrous to Cardin. "But I don't understand. This doesn't look like Beacon to me. And how will I take notes if my hands are chained!?"_

" _Cardin mate, this is the kinda lesson that money can't buy. And don't ye' worry about taking notes, cause yer' never gonna forget this. Now stand up and turn around!"_

 _She cracked her whip again when she said that, causing Cardin to quickly stand up and turn his back to her. His ass was floppy and wrinkled like a shriveled raisin, but it would suffice for Velvet's activities._

" _Velvet, please," Cardin whimpered. "Just let me go. Any more stress and I'll need my inhaler."_

" _Quit being such a drongo, mate," Velvet laughed. "Who knows, you might actually enjoy what happens next. I sure as shit will."_

 _She did a few practice whip strikes on the wall next to her, preparing herself for the lashing she was about to deliver. Cardin was trembling on the spot. Velvet had always given him the abuse he so rightly deserved, but she had never gone this far before. He would describe this situation as being most irregular._

" _So, here's what yer' gonna do," she snapped. "While I'm hitting ye' with this - making yer' arse look like a fuckin' zebra's - yer' gonna shout out the basic faunus rights law at the top of yer' lungs. And if you fuck up, I'mma hit even harder. Ye' understand, mate?"_

" _Yes, Vel-" No, he wouldn't call her that. She had always been his superior, so it was time to address her as such. "Yes, mistress," he whimpered._

" _Glad to hear it." She raised the whip over her head and struck his tooshie with it. He cried out, his tone a mixture of pain and slightly more pain. Velvet bit her lip at the sound of his wail. "Speak up, cobber!"  
_

" _A-All faunus shall be viewed as equal to humans," Cardin wailed. "All humans shall treat faunus with the same respect they would show to their fellow man."_

 _It wasn't hard for Cardin to repeat the faunus rights law, for he understood that among those who towered above him, the faunus were his main superiors. He could never hope to achieve the same level of intelligence the evolution champions possessed. He could only kiss their feet and beg for deliverance when in their presence._

" _Yeah, that's right," Velvet moaned at the sound of equality. She struck his ass again. "Keep talking, prick!"_

" _All faunus shall have the same job opportunities as humans! Employers will pay each faunus worker fairly and equally to that of a human!"_

 _The pain in his ass gave Cardin's voice strength. It was just about the only part of him that was strong. He felt like his legs would collapse underneath him, but he knew that would disappoint his mistress._

 _Each strike from the whip left red scars across his rear. Normally, aura would have protected him, but the whip Velvet was using was special. It had crocodile teeth tied to the end of it, which cut through aura like a butter through knife. Cardin's rump had no chance against the chompers of the beasts from her savage homeland._

" _Proper good job, mate," Velvet cackled. "But we ain't done yet. Yer' forgetting the most important law. Now say it, ye' bitch." Velvet whipped his ass again with the strength of a lion-tamer. Cardin yelped in sorrow, earning another chuckle out of Velvet. "Crikey, and I thought it was only pigs that squealed. Come on, Cardin, just one more to go. Say it!"_

 _Cardin's yellow, plaque-stained teeth chattered in his mouth. He knew exactly what Velvet was talking about, but was having a hard time saying it. If he spoke the words his mistress was talking about, he was in for a world of hurt and humiliation._

 _But he would get all of those things if he disobeyed her, too. There was no going back. This was a one-way street, and he was driving full speed ahead. It was the only way._

" _Any and all violence between human and faunus will be met with legal action," Cardin whimpered softly. "Except when against the Winchester family. All faunus are allowed to express any hatred they have against them - be it through verbal or physical abuse - for the Winchesters are just a bunch of… a bunch of…"_

 _Cardin gulped before finishing his sentence, "... buttheads."_

 _Silence filled the room, as Cardin - and his anus - awaited Velvet's response. He couldn't turn round to look her in the eye, for it wasn't his place to gaze upon her features. If a rat stared at the sun, it's eyes would burn up. And whilst his wouldn't catch fire, there was more than one way to blind vermin._

 _He jolted slightly when he heard the sound of Velvet clapping slowly. He couldn't tell, but a predatory grin was stretching across her face, revealing her pearly white teeth that could only be achieved through good hygiene and a healthy diet._

" _Ye' totally aced it, mate," she said happily. "Couldn't have said it better meself."_

 _Cardin sighed in relief. He had pleased his mistress, which gave him more relief than a spoonful of sugar. "S-So does this mean I'm free to go?" He stuttered._

 _Velvet's merry laughter sent shivers down his spine. "No can do, mate. Ye' said it yerself; all faunus are allowed to take their aggression out on you." She walked up behind him and grabbed his hair, pulling his head back. "Failure to comply to this is a violation of my faunus rights," she whispered devilishly in his ear. "We can't be havin' now, can we?"_

" _N-No," he gritted out._

" _That's what I thought. Now get comfy, cause I got alotta anger to work off."_

 _She walked over to a drawer at one side of the room. After a bit of searching, she pulled out a boomerang and strapped it to her crotch, using it as a makeshift strap-on. She lubricated the tip of it with a bit of vegemite, before walking back over to Cardin's pale cheeks._

" _Buckle yer' seatbelt, mate," she grinned. Cause I'm about to take ye' for a ride."_

 _Before Cardin could point out that he had no seatbelt, Velvet thrussed the boomerang into his anus as far as she could, only stopping when her hips touched his asscheeks._

 _Cardin squealed as his insides were filled to the brim. The foreign sensation of being plugged from down under was painful yet exhilarating for him. The vegemite stirred within him, stoking a fire in his heart that he never knew existed. His submissive nature forced him to moan from the experience._

 _Velvet was pounding away, making a bigger hole in his butt than the one he already had in his heart. Cardin was about as tight as a hula hoop, but it didn't matter. Seeing him squirm and moan gave her all the energy she needed._

" _What's yer' name?" she growled in between pounding him._

" _Cardin," he grunted._

" _Nah, mate, yer' real name." She roughly yanked his hair back again. She had given him a pet name long ago, one that she occasionally called him by on a daily basis."Say it!"_

" _Shelia!" he gasped. "My name is Sheila, mistress."_

" _Damn right it is." She slapped his wrinkly ass again, running a finger down one of the scars she had planted on it. He shivered at her touch. "Tell me how much ye' like this!"_

" _I-I love it, mistress!"_

" _Be specific, Sheila!"_

" _Like on a scale of one to ten?"_

" _Nah, just, like, an estimated percentage."_

" _Well, it's not quite reaching 100 percent, yet. But we're definitely pushing into the high eighties, maybe even low nineties."_

" _Good enough," she grunted. "Cause I'm not done yet."_

 _She continued to bang him like a salvation army drum, Cardin's moans providing the beat. Each slap to his ass sent ripples across his skin, though they could have just been wrinkles, as Cardin's booty game was not on point._

" _I gotta say, Cardin. Your outback could use some work," she moaned. "But it'll do for now."_

 _Cardin nodded with the speed of a bobblehead. His mistress was happy, so he was happy. There was nothing better in his life than being second fiddle to someone. His body was an instrument, and Velvet was that one rock guy who smashed his instrument on stage._

 _He only wished she was punishing him in front of hundreds of people. The world needed to know how worthless he truly was. I mean, they already did, but this would have been their chance to truly see it. The only way this could be even more deliciously shameful was if she was throwing tomatoes at his face._

 _Cardin could feel himself close to release. His little firecracker was about to pop due to the humiliating pleasure he was getting from this. His knees wobbled from the blissful joy that was about to hit him._

" _Velvet, I'm gonna-"_

" _No, ye' fuckin' don't!" she snapped, shoving the jar of vegemite around his dick, using it as cock ring. The jar swallowed his penis whole, but the sticky substance inside prevented him from having any release. "Ye' don't get to cum here. Today is all about me, got it?"_

 _Cardin whimpered but nodded dutifully. Maybe if he was a good boy she'd let him release, but that vegemite wasn't getting any looser around his dick._

 _Velvet accepted his response and went back to pounding him. Cardin tried pleasing his mistress by moving against her, but he received a kick to the leg for that. He was not here to talk, move or whatever else he could do. He was simply here to get plugged._

 _Sweat trickled down Velvet's face as she screwed him. The term 'fucking like rabbits' could have been applied to the situation, but Cardin wasn't worthy of the title. On the food chain, he was lower than the larva. He was like one of those things you find at the bottom of the sea._

 _A pity he decided to find dry land._

 _Velvet's breathing hitched as she felt pleasure building up inside her. There was absolutely nothing attractive about Cardin, but the thought of punishing such a fuckboi was getting her all hot and bothered. Her ears twitched wildly through the cork hat. Soon, she would be unable to control herself._

 _Suddenly, the pleasure hit her like a steam train. She gripped Cardin's ass so tightly that the cheeks started to deflate, and she howled to the ceiling in pure, primal pleasure._

" _Stone the flamin' crows!" she cried, pleasure wracking through her body. Cardin stood still as she rode out her orgasam, looking down to the floor with his lip trembling. His mistress had finished without him. A natural outcome of this encounter, but he didn't even have time to put a finger up his ass._

 _But at the end of the day, it was Velvet who had enjoyed herself the most, and that was the important thing. Besides, she was done with him now. As much as he liked serving her, he still had a busy day ahead of him. He hadn't even allowed the police to arrest him for revealing his face in public, yet._

" _Not bad, Cardin. Not bad at all," she sighed. "Did ye' enjoy yourself?"_

 _He nodded frantically. Velvet was in such a good mood, so he didn't want to ruin it with his ratty voice._

" _Would ye' do it again if I asked ye' to?"_

 _Again he nodded. Whatever his mistress wanted._

 _She gripped his shoulder tightly, nails running down his back as she brought them back down to his ass. "Good, cause I've got one last thing I wanna do."_

 _What? How was this possible? His mistress was a woman of many talents, but that cry of pleasure just now sounded to intense for there to be a round two. As impossible as it was to belive, Velvet did have her limits._

 _Velvet leaned back to his ear again and pressed her lips against it. "Do you know what they say about boomerangs, Cardin?" she whispered harshly. She grinned when he saw his eyes widen in fear. "They always_ _ **come**_ _back." With that said, she pulled out a remote from her hat and pressed a button._

 _Cardin felt the boomerang whirr inside him. He felt it shift into something longer, bigger and far more explosive than what it had originally been before. He finally looked behind him, only to see a huge rocket sticking out of his ass._

 _Velvet stood away from him, backing off to a safe distance. Her thumb caressed the button on the remote gently and lovingly. "That's right, mate. It's also a gun!"_

 _With those final words etched into his mind, Velvet pressed the button again. Cardin saw his life flash before his eyes, which turned out to be as disappointing as the hand fate had just dealt him. He closed his eyes and awaited the inevitable._

" _I know Kami has forgiven me," he muttered in one final breath._

 _*BOOM*_

 _{Scene Break}_

 _Team CFVY walked back to their dormroom, a little started to see smoke coming through the doorway._

 _When they stepped inside, they saw Velvet sitting inside whistling a merry tune, whilst sweeping the remains of skeleton that was kneeling on the floor with its ass sticking out. It was impossible to tell who the skeleton belonged to, but the bone structure indicated it was a prick._

" _G'day, mates," Velvet chirped, giving them a quick wave as they entered the room._

" _Velvet, what the hell happened in here?" Coco gasped. "Who's the dead guy? What's with all these sex toys. Where can I buy that hat?"_

" _Funny ye' should mention that," Velvet smiled. "I just got done teaching Beacon's resident bogan a thing or two about respect. I guess you could say it started and ended-" Velvet sntatched Coco's sunglasses and put them on, "-with a bang!"_

 _The room erupted into laughter. That was so Velvet; always getting involved in wacky shenanigans. What would that silly bunny think of next?_

" _Now, enough of this circle jerk, mates. Let's have a beer. I dunno about you, but I could use a cold one."_

 _Team CFVY cheered in approval at her suggestion. Yatsu carried her on her shoulders as they set off to find the nearest bar they could find, leaving Cardin's smokey skeletal remains behind. It was true what they say; not all heroes wore capes._

 _But some had huge floppy bunny ears._

 _ **The End**_

[/]

Blake's pen gently rolled out of her hand, hitting the floor with a soft thud. She paid it no mind, as her eyes were glued to her work. Her eyes scanned over every word, every paragraph, every single bit of punctuation. She rested her book on the table, a satisfied smirk stretching across her face.

Perfection.

The word didn't even come close to describing the quality of her work, but it was close enough. Very soon, she would probably have to start inventing her own words, if only to describe the absolute flawlessness of her art.

She rubbed her hands together, still reading over what she had written. It came as no surprise to her that she may have gotten a little excited when writing this, in more ways than one. It was understandable, though. If even she could be swayed from her own writing, imagine how a casual reader would react to it. Their senses would simply be overloaded with her genius.

Ah, but there lay the hidden danger. As brilliant as her art was, it was also very dangerous. In the wrong hands, it could easily do more harm than good. There was no doubt that her art had the ability to reshape the world, but it would do so to make a world of peace and love. Imagine if Torchwick got his hands on such power.

Or worse… Adam…

She shook her head sadly and put the book away. Unfortunately, the world simply wasn't ready for her genius. Not yet, anyway. But when everyone finally decided to turn away from methods such as petty violence and conflict as a way of resolving things, she would help them usher in a new way of thinking.

Until then, her genius would have to remain private. It was tragic - almost unbearably so - but no one said being a hero was gonna be easy.

She stood up from her chair and walked back to the door. Zwei had since moved from Weiss' bed and was cowering in the corner. She scoffed. As if a dog of all creatures could ever hope to understand her way of thinking. That being said, it didn''t have to look at her like she was some terrifying monster.

She had barely made it to the door, when it started to become covered with ice. She had only a second to react, when it suddenly exploded in front of her. Ice shards flew across the room, leaving Blake no choice but to hide under one of the beds.

Picking herself up, she looked to see the cause of the explosion was none other than Weiss Schnee, who was standing in what was left of the doorway. When Zwei recognised her, he instantly hid between her legs, putting as much distance between him and Blake as possible.

Weiss was seething seething with rage, looking a lot more red than her usual shade of white. Myrtenaster was held in her hand, her knuckles going white from how tight she was gripping it. She could feel the air around the heiress freeze from the cold fury her body was providing.

Yeah, Weiss did not look happy at all.

"Blake Belladonna," she hissed. "You and I need to have a little talk…"

* * *

 **I went to Australia once.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading this. The plot ball is starting to roll with this one, meaning I still have to take it somewhat seriously. Rest assured though, it will not detract from the main theme of this story. This is just pure silliness, so don't expect any Shakespearean levels of tragedy just yet.**

 **Speaking of which, October is coming up soon. Who's ready for another horror one shot from me?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Howdy, howdy, ho.**

 **So, in the last chapter, I said I pity the poor soul who makes fanart for this story. And so it is that I pity Mallobaude - the author of Letters to Winter and Take a Walk on the Wild Side - for his beautiful drawing of Jaune and Winter in the first chapter. I think the quality of the drawing really reflects the brilliance of Blake's work.**

 **Just a heads up, not every chapter will feature smut because, believe it or not, this story actually has plot to it. A stupid plot, but a plot nonetheless. I promise the next chapter will have some juicy material, though.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 **Cover art: Mallobaude**

* * *

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Just as well, because Weiss Schnee considered herself the authority of cold, unrelenting fury. She was going to show that perverted feline the real reason people called her Ice Queen - as much as she loathed that nickname.

She stood in the now destroyed doorway of her dormroom. A quick ice blast from Mysternaster had made short work of the door, but her book-loving teammate needn't fear her weapon's capabilities. It was her she had to be worried about. A door exploding paled in comparison to the punishment she was going to put her through.

Blake at least had the decency to look shocked at her entrance, but it wasn't enough. Exactly five seconds had passed and the faunus still hadn't dropped to her knees and begged for forgiveness. Her hesitation and lack of formality mocked her.

It just made this a whole lot easier.

"Blake Belladonna," she hissed. "You and I need to have a little talk…"

Blake almost looked frightened at her tone but quickly recovered from her initial shock, robbing Weiss of the chance to revel in her fear.

"Weiss, what the hell was that for?" The cat barked. "What's crawled up your combat skirt?"

"Oh, you'd like to know, wouldn't you?" she sneered. "You'd like to know everything that goes on between my legs. That's what you want, isn't it? You want me to tell you every dirty detail nice and slowly for you!?"

"... Weiss, if you wanted to flirt with me, you didn't need to break down the door-"

"I'm not flirting with you, you lecherous nincompoop," Weiss roared with a furious blush on her face. "That's all that goes through your head, isn't it? Just filth and profanity that you mistake for romance. Your mind is a gutter, Blake Belladonna!"

"For God's sake, where is this coming from?" Blake snapped. "Is your ponytail so tight that it's cutting off blood circulation to your brain? Is that why you're behaving like this?"

Fuming, Weiss flexed her fingers and activated her semblance, summoning a glyph to open Blake's drawer. When it opened she summoned another glyph underneath the literary abomination that laid inside. The book flew out of the drawer and landed in Weiss' hand.

"This!" she snarled as she pointed an accusing finger at the tat. "This is the reason for my anger!" Her finger then pointed to the faunus culprit in the centre of the room. " _You_ are responsible for this. This is all _your_ fault!"

"I'm not sure I understand…"

Weiss' eye twitched. She had heard that there was more than one way to skin a cat, but she felt so close to inventing her own methods of doing so. "I haven't been sleeping, Blake. I require at least eight hours bedrest to properly function, yet I've barely been able to have three in these past few days. And do you know why that is? Do you know what I see every time I close my eyes?" Her grip on the book tightened.

"Weiss, you're gonna crease the cover if you do that-"

"I see _this_ ," she hissed, pointing again at the book. "It hovers above me in the darkness, filling my vision and taunting me with its ridiculously bland cover. But that's not the worst of it, oh no. It shows me things… horrible things."

It was impossible to tell if Weiss was still staring at Blake. Her eyes were unfocused as she began to exhibit the thousand-yard stare. She even felt a few tears tickling the edge of her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. It didn't matter. Let them flow if they wanted. She no longer felt anything anymore.

"I keep having the same dream. In it, the book is getting closer to my face. It opens itself and presents its pages to me, but I can't turn away for whatever reason." Her little knees wobbled from anything but arousal at the memory. "Everywhere I look, all I see is more of the book. I am forced to bear witness to the words inside. And do you know what it shows me? Do you really want to know?"

She regained her focus and used it to direct more of her fury at Blake, who seemed more confused than terrified. "It shows my sister and that ridiculous Arc boy having poorly written intercourse!"

She had said it. The rat had finally been let out of its cage. It was painful to confess her nightmares to the girl who caused them all, but her soul suddenly felt a little lighter. Blake was still looking as confused as ever, but that wasn't important anymore. She had said her piece and all that was left now was the apology she was about to receive. Perhaps its words would ease her weary mind.

She closed her eyes and waited for those sweet, guilt-ridden words to reach her ears. A small smile was already beginning to form on her face in anticipation. Her mind buzzed from all the different ways she planned to punish Blake. She would forgive her in time, but not right now. Best to let her wallow in her own shame before she received the good graces of Weiss Schnee-

"Damn. That sounds rough, Weiss."

Her eyes snapped open faster than Yang's brastrap. She swore she could feel a blood vessel in her eye burst from looking at the girl in front of her.

"Don't you understand!?" she roared. "You're the reason I am plagued by these nightmares! It's because of your stories- no, your _filth_ , that I am cursed with this bedlam! And it's not just me. The others think the same thing."

"The others?"

"We all know," Weiss shuddered. "Ruby, Yang, Team JNPR, we all know about this and we've all been tainted. Your porn was reckless and it has murdered our former selves. It is your duty to apologise to us, but mostly to me! So, what are you waiting for? Apologise!"

"Oh, is that what I'm meant to be doing?" Blake asked. Her facial features had yet to significantly change, apart from a raised eyebrow she was sending Weiss' way. "If I'm honest, it sounds like I'm the one who deserves the apology."

Oh.

Oh, was that a fact now, was it? Weiss' honour as a lady was the only thing preventing her from reducing Blake's nine lives to one.

"Me!?" she cried. "You want _me_ to apologise!? And what, pray tell, is your reasoning for this?"

"Well, you said it yourself. You looked through my stuff without my say-so." Blake shook her head and tutted. "That's a violation of my privacy, Weiss. I thought you knew better."

No! No, she was not allowed to play the victim here. Weiss was the one with the mental scars and the Schnee family therapist on speed dial, not her. "It was hardly my idea," she snapped. "In fact, I was even against it. I was simply dragged into the madness along with everyone else."

"I'm sure you were," Blake nodded with her eyes closed. "So, how did everyone else force you to read it? Did they keep your eyes open with pegs, or did they just hold the book right in front of your face? Or maybe… you read it of your own free will?" Weiss' silence must have given Blake the answer she needed, causing her to tut and shake her head again. "For shame, Weiss."

Argh, this was impossible! How was Blake being so calm in the face of all of this? Didn't she feel the slightest bit of shame or guilt knowing her secret was out there? Her self-control could've been commendable if it wasn't so infuriating!

"You're missing the point!" she shouted. "This is about you writing obscene material that has caused the mental collapse of your team and your friends. Aren't you at least going to try to deny it?"

"No."

Weiss blinked. That… wasn't what she was expecting to hear. She must have misheard her teammate during her fit of madness.

"W-What did you say?"

"I said no." Blake was eerily calm and level-headed. Her voice was totally relaxed with each word she spoke. "I mean, I deny purposefully causing you this stress, but I will always stand by my work."

This… this… what was this!? What was she saying right now!? Had the world flipped itself on its head when she wasn't looking because that was the only explanation for this madness!

"So you admit it," Weiss said slowly. It was hard trying to contain the fear in her voice. "You admit to writing these stories?"

"Of course."

She may have been able to control her voice, but she couldn't control her body from shaking. The book dropped to the ground due to Weiss' trembling fingers. Blake quickly stepped in to pick up the book and wipe the dust on it. The sight of the faunus getting closer caused Weiss to recoil in terror.

Who was this girl in front of her? Was this some imposter in the form of her teammate, or was this the real Blake Belladonna? If it was the latter, how had she been unaware of this twisted side of her for all this time? They had all been a team for long enough now, so she thought she knew her teammates like the back of her hand. How had she missed the terrifying anomaly before?

"Y-You admit to writing these?" she felt like she had to repeat the question. Blake deserved the benefit of the doubt, at least.

"Sure do," Blake said nonchalantly. She was calmly cleaning the book, barely even looking at the heiress. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"H-How?"

"How what?"

"How are you so calm about this?" Weiss squeaked. "You should be riddled with shame right now, yet you talk as if nothing has happened. How are you doing this?"

Blake finally showed a bit of emotion by looking at Weiss in confusion. "Are you serious?" When the frightened heiress gave no response, Blake rolled her eyes and sighed. "Weiss, I've had to deal with you and everyone else discovering my secret as a faunus, and as being a former White Fang member; the biggest terrorist organisation on the face of Remnant." She smirked playfully at her. "You think I care if you find my hidden story journal?"

Weiss didn't know how to respond to that. Yes, Blake had done some sketchy things in the past, but she at least regretted the actions of her previous life. Perhaps the weight of her sins had stopped her ability to feel anything?

"Besides, this is hardly something to be ashamed of," she cooed as she lovingly stroked the book. It could've been the light coming in through the window, but Weiss could've sworn she saw Blake's eyes twinkle a little. "What I've written will change the world. It'll revolutionize our very way of thinking and bring a new age of peace to Remnant. It's unfortunate that you had to find it so soon, but I suppose it can't be helped. Art such as this does have a natural allure to it."

Weiss felt her back hit the wall behind her. She hadn't realised she had been walking backwards the whole time. Her body hugged the wall as she tried to make her way slowly to the door. The further she stayed away from this mad beast the better.

"Blake… this has to stop. You're writing porn about _us_. Your friends. Surely even you must see how unhealthy that is."

Blake looked up from her book induced trance and met Weiss' eyes. "You should be flattered. When my stories are finally let loose, you will all be remembered in the new world. Don't worry, there's no need to thank me."

"I'll thank you when you stop writing smut about me and my sister," Weiss snapped. Despite her absolute terror, she still had a little bite left in her. Going out quietly was unbefitting of a Schnee. "We all want this to stop, Blake. You're driving us all mad, including yourself."

Blake smiled and shook her head slowly. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Weiss. There's a new wind blowing. Change is knocking on our door, and someone has to invite it in and take its coat."

"That metaphor sucks and so does your writing!"

Blake sighed again. "This is what I was worried about. You've read too much of my genius, but your minds aren't strong enough to comprehend it yet. But rest assured, Weiss, I will help you understand. I'll help you all see the light and usher in the greatness of the new world." A dreamy smile stretched across Blake's face as she closed her eyes. "And it will be glorious."

This all felt far too familiar for Weiss. She had seen madness before. She had seen it when her mother lost herself to alcohol, when her father made despicable actions just for the sake of making a profit. She had even seen traces of madness in her little brother, no doubt a result of her family's influence. Winter and herself had been lucky to escape when they did.

Despite her shady history, Blake should've been spared from most forms of madness. At least when she was in the White Fang, she fought for what could've been argued as a noble cause. It didn't excuse the crimes she had committed, but at least she had something that she considered worth fighting for.

But this? This wasn't a noble huntress or a faunus rights activist that stood before her. This was something foul. Something that dwelled in the darkest minds of all lunatics and given flesh. Something that belonged in the shadows, for it had no place in the light of the world where all the noble people of society lived.

This… was a pervert.

"You're mad, Blake Belladonna," Weiss whispered. "You've lost your mind and you don't even care."

Blake laughed. "I know change can seem like a frightening thing, Weiss, but you'll come to understand in time."

"Oh, I understand enough already." Weiss' hand found the door handle. "I understand that you're a lost cause. I'd say I'd like to help you, but I'm not even sure if there's anything left to save. Seriously, Blake, just listen to yourself. You've gone off the deep end."

Blake eyed Weiss questionably for a moment, before following it up with a hum and a small shrug of her shoulders. "I see what's happening here. You're jealous of my work. I don't know why I'm surprised by this, and yet I am."

Jealous? Of Blake Belladonna?

Weiss saw images of death play across her vision. She saw herself burning a pile of lien on the floor and laughing as it turned to ash. She saw the stars in the sky disappearing, the sun dying out, the moon crashing to the ground. She was laughing through it all, laughing harder than ever-

No! That was Blake's madness affecting her mind. Oh God, it was contagious! She had to get away. Blake Belladonna was a biohazard of insanity.

"This isn't over," Weiss yelped. "We will put an end to your wretched work. All of RWBY and JNPR stands against you, cretin!"

"Empty threats, Ice Queen" Blake giggled. "Look, if you must tell everyone of my work before the appropriate time, try not to impose your jealousy onto everyone else."

That was it. Red alert. Code Blue. Weiss Schnee was leaving the building.

"I'll be back!" Weiss shouted as she quickly opened the door behind her. "Mark my words, Blake Belladonna. This is the end for you!"

"Yeah, yeah, see you in an hour or so," Blake said dismissively. "Oh, and Weiss? Consider this talk as your apology being accepted."

With those last few words and the sound of the door slamming ringing in her ears, Weiss ran away from her dormroom as fast as possible. There were some fights you couldn't win. Some you couldn't even fight.

And then there were the few that were just too impossible to even comprehend.

[/]

Jaune had seen many things during his time at Beacon, but he'd never thought he'd see the day he saw the impeccable Weiss Schnee looking scared.

When Weiss returned to the cafeteria after pursuing Blake, he expected the heiress to return singing songs of victory, wearing her trademark smug grin and towing behind her a guilt-ridden Blake. She did everything in her life with such confidence that it was hard not to expect that outcome to happen.

To his and everyone's surprise though, Weiss came back looking like everyone in her family had just been reduced to middle class. Her face was riddled with despair and she looked out of breath and exhausted, like she had ran a marathon to get back to the canteen.

When everyone asked her what had happened, she said she would explain after eating something. Apparently, she needed comfort food, and devoured every sugary treat in sight, even those already in the possession of someone else. Ruby didn't even try to stop Weiss eating her cookies. One look at her lifeless eyes was all the warning she needed to stay away from Weiss.

When the gluttonous heiress was satisfied, they moved themselves to Beacon's courtyard. Ever since discovering Blake's filthy journal, they had decided to meet somewhere outside and as far from Blake as possible. Going outside was usually the best option, as Blake typically liked staying indoors in places like the library.

"And that's the whole story," Weiss sighed as she finished her tale of her and Blake's ordeal. "Now do you see? She's completely out of her mind!"

"We don't know that for sure!" the ever-hopeful Ruby Rose cried out. "Maybe it's all a trick? Maybe one of her clones has become sentient and is writing these stories in her place? Maybe it's holding our Blake hostage?"

"Ruby, you know semblances don't work like that, right?" Jaune asked.

"I don't know what to believe anymore!" Ruby wailed. "Nothing about this is normal!"

"I don't think Blake was ever truly normal to begin with," Yang muttered. "Mind you, I've heard of stuff like this happen before. Back when I was in Signal, I often heard rabid fangirls talking about their favourite shows and how they wanted certain characters to get together. Some even went as far to write porn stories about these characters." Everyone looked at Yang shocked, causing the blonde to wave her hands defensively. "Don't give me that look, I never read any of them! I'm only saying what I heard."

"Are you saying Blake is doing this because she's fans of us or something?" Ren asked.

"Ooh, I've always wanted to have my own fanbase," Nora giggled. "Just think of it: millions of people screaming my name as they construct idols of me across all of Remnant. Do you think Blake does sculpting?"

"Nora, don't ask Blake to make statues of her smut," Ren said with a finger wave. Jaune quickly seconded that Ren's order. Of course Nora of all people would see no problem with Blake doing what she was doing. He and his team would have to keep a close eye on her to make sure she didn't give Blake any ideas.

"I'll be honest, I don't want to go back to my dorm room tonight," Weiss sighed. "Letting my guard down around Blake seems more dangerous than doing it around Jaune."

"Hey!"

"Weiss is right," Yang nodded. "Being close to Blake makes me uncomfortable these days. Is it cool if we can sleep in you guys' room until this blows over?"

"Yang, we can't ask them that," Ruby scolded. Her authoritative attitude didn't last long though, as she then turned to Jaune with her silver eyes activating their 'kicked puppy' mode. "But, I mean, if you want us to then I don't mind."

"You bet you can stay the night," Nora cheered, somehow managing to pull all of Team RWBY into a hug. "This is gonna be great! We can eat junk food, play some video games, read scary stories. If those stories aren't scary enough, I'll just borrow Blake's journal-"

Never before in the history of Remnant had the word 'no' been said so loudly.

"You're all welcome to stay for a few nights," Jaune shrugged. "We don't exactly have spare beds though, so you might have to get some sleeping bags."

"Whatever is required to get away from that monster," Weiss whispered. Had she always looked so distant before?

"As long as it isn't a bother," Ruby said. "I mean, I know you guys are okay with it, but shouldn't we ask Pyrrha, too?"

"Oh, she'll be fine," Nora laughed. "She's always been friendly, especially these days. Ever since reading that story of her, all she really does now is smile and laugh. She's never been happier."

Oh Nora…

"I'm sure the school has spare sleeping bags lying around," Yang said. "We gotta have them when we got out on long distance hunts, you know?"

"If they don't, I will gladly pay for all of them," Weiss said. "This is a matter of survival, though. Don't expect this as an act of generosity on my part."

"Never could with you, Ice Queen," Yang muttered under her breath. Luckily for her, Weiss didn't seem to hear this.

"Actually, before you get too comfortable, I'm gonna need one of you girls to do something," Jaune said. "It'll look weird if me or any of Team JNPR do it, so it has to be one of you three."

"What exactly do you want us to do?" Weiss asked with her voice full of caution.

"I need one of you to go into your room at some point today and take Blake's journal. Preferably tonight when she's sleeping."

"What!?" Yang yelped. "Are you crazy? I wouldn't even poke that thing with a stick!"

"Nor will I!" Weiss cried. "My good hands have been sullied too many times holding that waste of dead trees!"

"I'm scared," Ruby whimpered.

"Just hear me out," Jaune said, trying to get everyone to calm down. "You all want to get this problem solved, don't you? Well, in order to do that I'm gonna need that book."

"He's lost it, too," Weiss whispered. She immediately pulled out her scroll and called for her locker. The large metal box landed next to her seconds later. She quickly rushed over to it and pulled out Myrtenaster. She pointed it at Jaune with a sorrowful expression on her face. "This is the only way, Jaune," she said softly, taking a few steps closer towards him. "We may have had our differences, but know that I take no pleasure in what I'm about to do."

Jaune yelped and stumbled backwards, falling onto his back. So this was it? He was going to die by the hand of the girl of his dreams. No, this was happening too fast. He didn't want it to end like this. He didn't want to rush to the 'Til death do us part' bit of his marriage with her just yet.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Yang cried, hoisting the girl in the with her arms locked under Weiss' shoulders. "Time out, princess. Don't you think you're taking this too far?"

"He's been tainted!" Weiss yelled amidst her struggling. "It's a mercy killing. Release me or he'll infect us all!"

"I don't want the book for my own pleasure!" Jaune cried, picking himself up off the ground. "What I was going to say was I plan to give it to my mom."

"It's worse than I thought," Weiss moaned. "He wants to spread the disease to his own family. Ruby, don't just stand there. Do something!"

"Maybe we should hear him out first, Weiss?" Ruby said, giving Jaune an apologetic look as she spoke.

"Thank you," Jaune groaned. "I need to give my mom the book so that she can critique it. I was planning to call her tomorrow, but looking at the state of all of you, it's probably best I call her today. I can show her one of Blake's stories tomorrow and then she might be able to help Blake improve her writing."

"Tomorrow?" Ren frowned. "You really think she'll show up at such short notice?"

Jaune laughed at his ignorance. "Trust me, Ren ol' buddy, if there's one woman I can count on showing up at my every beck and call, it'd be my mom. She'll show up tomorrow, don't worry."

"How will your mom be able to help?" Nora asked.

Jaune blinked. "Nora… my mom's an author, remember? I told you this just a few moments ago."

"Oh yeah," Nora gasped, which she then followed up with a giggle. "Yeah, I completely forgot about that. I kinda zoned out as soon as you mentioned books and reading and blah blah blah."

Jaune's eye twitched. He loved the ginger bomber like one of his many sisters, but sometimes he wondered if her brain was just another grenade shell. He looked to Ren, the brother he never had, for support.

He got a shrug.

Traitors.

"So yeah," he said with a deep heavy breath, trying to control his temper. "I'm gonna need that book and I'm gonna need one of you three to do it. Me and my team don't know where Blake keeps it, and it'll look weird if one of us goes into your room to take it. It's gotta be one of you three."

"Not me!"

"Not I!"

"I don't wanna!"

"You can decide which one of you does it later," Jaune sighed. "In the meantime, I've got a call to make."

Whilst the trio of girls squabbled over who was gonna touch Blake's filthy journal, Jaune walked further away from the group to make his call in peace. He didn't stop until the sounds of protests and fancy-sounding insults could no longer be heard. Once he was far enough, he pulled out his scroll and started typing in his mother's number.

He paused slightly before typing in the last number. It had been a while since he last got in touch with one of his family. Ever since coming to Beacon, he had ended pretty much all communication with them. Perhaps it was a pride thing, or maybe he was worried that they had already found out about his false transcripts? Whatever it was, it had stopped him from even texting just to say hi.

He could only imagine the worry he must have put his family through. They could be a little overprotective, sure, but he loved them all with all his heart. To have them all worry about him… and him not even making the time to talk to them, even if it was only for a few minutes…

Argh, why did he have to make himself feel bad now? Things were already complicated enough with Blake writing porn about him and everyone else. He didn't need his own self-loathing added to the crazy mix. Right now he had to focus on getting Blake to stop her smutty ways. He could question his worth as a good son later.

He pressed the final button and brought the scroll to his ear. He braced himself for the scolding that was soon to come.

[/]

Eight children…

All of them were perfect, all of them were irreplaceable, but eight children? The thought of it alone was exhausting, even if some of them were adults. Not that age made much of a difference. A mother's work was never done.

And Christina Arc considered herself the best damn mother out there.

The proud mother of eight - ugh, give her strength - sat in her favourite armchair and going over her emails, which only added more to her exhaustion. In between cooking, cleaning, and any other chores that came with being a mother, she also had to worry about deadlines from her publicist. Oh heavens, what a bother.

Writer's block was never a problem for her, but when you lead a life such as hers, finding the strength to even turn on your computer was a challenge in of itself. One of her more embarrassing moments was when she fell asleep at her keyboard when writing the climax to one of her stories. What was supposed to be an emotional scene was made laughable at the seemingly infinite line of the letter 'e'. That had been a nuisance to correct, especially when she had to struggle to find her muse again.

Deadlines made everything stressful. She was happy that her books were in such high demand, but it meant she rarely got any rest. One break away from things was all she asked for. It was a wonder how her hair was still bright blonde considering the stressful life she lead.

Her sleepy thoughts were broken when she heard her scroll ring. She cleared her voice to mask her drowsiness and picked up the scroll. She didn't recognise the caller's number as it showed up on screen. She wasn't expecting any business calls at this time of day, so this already put her on edge. She hoped one of her fans hadn't somehow found her number. Having a stalker would drive her to her wits' end.

Sighing, she slid her finger across the screen and accepted the call. The video screen took a moment to load, before a teenage boy with a familiar shade of blond hair and blue eyes filled up the screen. He looked uncomfortable and was scratching the back of his head nervously.

" _Hi, Mom,"_ the boy said in an equally nervous tone.

She nearly dropped the scroll onto the floor. The boy's looks and voice were all painfully familiar yet too familiar to be real.

"Jaune?" she whispered. This boy certainly looked like her son, but it felt too good to be true.

" _Eheh, um, yeah, it's me,"_ he grimaced. _"I'm, uh, sorry I haven't called in a while. Things have been kinda crazy for me right now, and I haven't really had the chance to-"_

This was real. This was her baby boy talking to hear. He looked like he still had his health, which put her mind at great ease. She didn't know why his scroll number was different, but at least it meant he still had a means of talking to her. God, seeing his face and hearing his voice filled her with joy-

-and righteous motherly fury! He had left for Beacon months ago, hadn't returned any of her or his father's calls, and was only revealing himself now? This child was in for a whole world of trouble!

"Where on earth have you been these past months!?" she shouted. "When we heard that Beacon's initiation trial had finished, we all feared the worst when you didn't call! Do you have any idea how scared I was for your wellbeing that day!?"

" _I'm sorry,"_ he said quietly. His voice was riddled with shame, not that that did anything to calm her down. _"I know I should've called sooner, but I didn't know how. I'm an idiot, I know."_

"What do you mean you didn't know how?" she snapped. "Jaune, this is the first time I've spoken to you in what feels like forever, so you better start making some sense!"

" _I didn't know what to say!"_ he cried. _"It had been so long, I didn't know how to talk to you about things here. I also… maybe wanted to prove to you how well I'm doing on my own. I didn't mean to cause you any heartache, I swear."_

"Ugh, you and your ridiculous pride," she groaned. "You're just like your father in that regard. Trust me, that's not a compliment."

" _I'm sorry,"_ he said again. His eyes were closed shut and he hung his head low. _"Look, I know I've been distant lately, and I don't blame you if you hate me right now. But you gotta believe me when I say I'm sorry for hurting you. I promise I won't do it again."_

She rolled her eyes. Hate him? He was a bigger idiot than she had realised. As if she could ever bring herself to hate her precious child, even if that child did keep her in the dark for months on end. She hadn't been lying when she said his pride was a problem of his. The silly boy was always so obsessed with trying to change how others supposedly viewed him, that he failed to realise how much his own family valued him.

"You had us all worried about you, Jaune," she said. "I had half a mind to send your father down there and drag you back home if this continued. I've lost sleep worrying about you."

He didn't say anything this time. He turned his head away from the camera, his eyes still shut tight. It even looked like there were a few tears trying to break free. The sight of her baby boy looking so guilty tugged at her heartstrings.

She still had plenty of anger to spare, but goddammit, it was hard to scold him when he was looking like that. Normally she wouldn't have been swayed so easily, but this was the first time she had seen him in such a long time. She truly had been fearing for his safety when he didn't call after his initiation. She had heard stories of what happened to students who didn't pass.

Some of those students never returned home…

She wanted this to be a happy occasion, even if she was furious with him for his actions. His punishment was far from over, but for now… now she just wanted to talk to her son again.

"I am happy to see you again, Jaune," she said gently. "It makes me even happier to see you looking after yourself."

" _You don't have to mince words, I realise how much I've hurt you,"_ he sighed. _"If you wanna shout, go ahead. I deserve it."_

"I'll save that for when I see you in person," she chuckled. "For now I'd just like to see you smiling again. I'm thrilled that you've finally decided to call me, even if you did take your sweet time in doing so. Let's try to continue this on a more happier note."

He finally looked back up at the camera again and smiled at her. It was weak and wavering, but it was a smile nonetheless. Memories of him as a child played in front of her the moment she saw him smile. Memories of him laughing, playing and cuddling up to her, saying she was the best mommy in the whole world.

Damn it, she wanted to reach inside the scroll and hug him for all he was worth. He had been too cruel keeping himself hidden away for all these months. The next time she reunited with him, there would be much celebration but also plenty of punishment. She would not forget this so easily.

" _I'm happy to see you too, Mom,"_ he smiled. _"I'll try to call more often when I get the chance. Sorry for making you panic like that."_

"Let's not worry about that now," she said. "Just tell me how you've been. How's Beacon? Are your teammates nice to you?"

" _Things are pretty good so far,"_ he said. _"And yeah, I've got the best team in the whole world. Team Juniper is the name, though it's spelt JNPR - don't ask why. You'd never believe it, but I'm actually the leader of my team."_

"The leader!?" she gasped. A proud smile stretched across her face. "You see, Jaune? I always said you were capable of great things as long as you believed in yourself. I'm so proud of you, son."

" _Haha, jeez, Mom, that's kind of you to say,"_ Jaune laughed with a faint blush on his face. _"I can't wait for you to meet everyone, I'm sure they'd love to meet you. Actually, that's kinda why I'm calling you now. I wanted to see if you were free tomorrow so that we could meet?"_

"Tomorrow?" She was meant to be finishing a chapter for her latest book. She had done much today, but there was still plenty more to do. Deadlines hung over her head like a noose.

But this was the chance to see Jaune again, one of the most precious things in her life. Deadlines could go to hell right now. Nothing was more important than her children, especially ones that she hadn't seen in forever. Besides, she needed the break.

" _Yeah, I mean, if it's not too busy for you-"_

"No, that's fine, I'm completely free," she said quickly. "I've always got time for you, dear. Just name a time and place."

" _Great,"_ he smiled. _"I'll meet you in Vale, and then I'll show you around Beacon. It'll be great for you to finally meet my new friends. Oh, and another thing… I've kinda got something I need you to look at for me."_

"Oh? What is it you want to show me?" And why did he look so nervous when he said that? Did she have another reason to be worried about him? God, this boy was going to give her a heart attack one day.

" _I'll tell you when we're in private,"_ he mumbled. _"Don't worry about it now, though. I promise it's nothing too serious, but it is something that could use your professional opinion on."_

"If you say so," she said curiously. "But let me tell you something, young man, you're buying me dinner when we're out tomorrow. Consider it payment for not calling sooner."

" _I'll treat the whole family if that's what it takes,"_ he laughed. _"I'll meet you at the docking zone for twelve then? We can catch up when we see each other. God knows I have a lot to talk about of my time here so far."_

"I look forward to hearing all about it," she smiled. Whatever work she had, she'd just get it done now. Tomorrow was all about her and her son. "Thank you for calling me, Jaune. Be sure to do the same for the rest of your family."

" _I will,"_ he said firmly. _"I won't treat you guys like that ever again. I'm just sorry I didn't call you sooner."_

"I know you are, Jaune," she said softly. "I've already forgiven you. Just try to call more often, please? The house feels strange without you here."

" _Of course,"_ he nodded. _"I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye, Mom. I love you."_

"I love you, too. See you tomorrow."

The image of him disappeared as he hung up, leaving her face the only one being reflected on the surface of the scroll. She sighed and pocketed the scroll away. She had been thrilled to hear his voice again, but seeing him at a place like Beacon did little to ease her. She worried enough about her husband due to him being a huntsman, but now Jaune as well? At least Solomon was experienced in his job. Jaune was still a boy, training for a profession that was merciless.

She would admit, she hadn't wanted this life for him. If she had her say, she would've kept him home where it was safe. But it wasn't her place to control his life. It was up to him to choose which path he wanted to take. All she could do was support him, even if she was completely against his choice of dreams to follow.

But she wouldn't let those thoughts sour her current mood. She finally had the chance to see her son again, and she couldn't be happier for it. She looked forward to telling him about everything that had happened at home since he was away, as well as being able to have some proper mother-son bonding time.

Now if only she could figure out what her son was so nervous talking about. Ugh, hunters made everything in her life complicated...

* * *

 **And making her official debut is my OC for Jaune's mother - Christina Arc!**

 **Got a bit serious at the end, but that's only because it's from the perspective of a character outside of the madness. Don't worry, the rest of the story will go back to it's scheduled craziness. Hopefully you enjoyed this one for what it was worth, though.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Konichiwa everyone!**

 **This chapter contains various RWBY characters. If this in any way offends you, please avoid reading this. I gotta post these warnings so that I don't get flagged.**

 **Special thanks to WarrenDSherman for calling me a 'bitch ass nigga' in the reviews. This one's for you, my friend.**

* * *

 **Cover art: Mallobaude**

* * *

Of all the people that would've been appropriate to send out on a stealth mission, they chose her out of everyone else!?

Yang grumbled about her bad luck under the cover of darkness, sneaking her way through her dormroom. It hadn't taken long for Weiss and Ruby to nominate her to steal Blake's stupid journal whilst she slept. Why they thought she'd be the best person for the job was beyond her. She was the tallest in the team and had the brightest - and prettiest - hair. Her height would make her stand out and she was NOT dying her hair black to make her more stealthy.

Oh, but she had been the first one to find the journal. She knew where Blake kept it, so she'd have a better chance at finding it without waking her up.

That was the excuse they had come up with, which made her blood boil even more. Last she checked, they all saw her take it out of the drawer. They knew as well as she did where Blake hid her smut. But no, of course she had to go looking for it because she had been the one to find it in the first place.

If this was some kind of lesson from any existing god above, then message received. She would never snoop again. Now could fate kindly deal her a fair hand and make this job easier on her? Was that too much to ask for?

She tiptoed her way across the carpet, wincing at every tiny sound she made. Slow and steady was not her style. She wanted to grab the journal and bolt out the room as quick as possible. Ah, but if she did that she'd wake the sleeping tiger on the bed below hers.

Okay, she didn't know exactly what kind of cat breed Blake's faunus heritage was, but her partner had started looking incredibly predatorial ever since she found her journal.

The bow-wearing pervert was resting soundly in her bed, blissfully unaware of her partner sneaking through the room. Just as well, as the moonlight shining in through the window made her hair stand out like a lighthouse beam. Yang took a moment to pause and watched her partner sleep without a care in the world. She looked as peaceful as ever, despite now knowing the torment her porn was putting them all through.

"Yeah, you just keep on sleeping, Blakey," she growled in a hushed whisper. "Get all the sleep you want, even though you've robbed us all of ours! But no, it's okay, hope you have pleasant dreams." Her eyes widened at the realisation. "Actually, no, don't have pleasant dreams. That's probably where you get all of your ideas from. Oh God, what _do_ you dream about, you little-?"

She quickly pulled her gaze away and shut her mouth. For a split second during her rant, she saw a sea of red, an army of the dead, memories of her first haircut. Visions of terror and madness. Weiss had warned her that talking to Blake and trying to understand her had an effect on the mind. She didn't know what she meant before, but she knew now. Blake Belladonna's insanity was contagious.

Now more eager than ever to get this over with, Yang tiptoed over to Blake's drawer and carefully opened it, pulling out the book and raising it to the moonlight. Crap, it looked even more terrifying in the dark. Her fingers burned from having to touch it again. She was gonna have to give her nails a serious scrubbing when she got back to Team JNPR's room.

Now that she had claimed her rotten prize, she shot one final glare at Blake's snoozing form before sneaking out of the room in the fastest way she could. Thankfully, Team JNPR'S room was just a few steps away from her own, allowing her to return to safety and normality in seconds.

She burst open the door with more force than intended, startling everyone inside who were all currently seated in a circle on the floor. She threw the book in the centre of the circle, narrowly avoiding the scroll that rested in the middle of it, causing everyone to back away in fear and revulsion. Everyone eyed it like it was some kind of disgusting insect.

"Mission accomplished," Yang seethed. "Now get that thing away from me!"

"Lower your voice, Yang," Weiss hissed. "Blake might be able to hear us if we make too much noise. Our own door is still destroyed, remember?"

"I mean, that was kinda your fault, Weiss," Ruby mumbled before immediately shutting up from the glare the heiress sent her.

"Whatever," Yang grunted, stomping over to her sleeping bag that lay on the floor. "Just next time you make me do something like this, give me gloves or something." She stared at her hand in disgust. At this rate, she was gonna have to cut it off to stop the infection from spreading.

"Thanks for being so quick, Yang," Nora cheered happily. "Now that we're all here, the first official sleepover hosted by Team JNPR can finally begin! Let's get this party started!"

Yang rolled her eyes at Nora's enthusiasm but silently thanked her for appreciating her efforts. Going in that room was like jumping into a lion's cage at the zoo. It felt good to be back with her relatively normal friends, whose weirdness was at least far more safer than Blake's. Anyway, her task was done for the night. She might as well enjoy the sleepover whilst she still could.

It hadn't been hard convincing Blake not to show up tonight. When she asked why everyone was moving into Team JNPR's room with sleeping bags in tow, Yang said they were having a sleepover, which naturally meant making lots of noise and staying up until dawn. In the end, it had been Blake convincing Yang why she shouldn't try to bring her along with her.

So really, that had been two problems Yang had solved for everyone today. With that many sacrifices she had made, she felt she was owed some kind of heroes due.

" _So, that's the famous smut book, is it?"_ came Sun's voice from inside the scroll. The video image of the monkey faunus looked at it with awe and wonder. Neptune could be seen sitting next to him, eyeing the book curiously. Everyone thought it best to call the two boys to warn them about the book. Even though they would probably never get to read it, they deserved at least some kind of heads up in case they accidentally stumbled across it. " _I gotta say, I thought it'd be scarier looking. It looks kinda normal to me."_

"Do not be fooled, Sun," Ren said. "This book truly is the result of madness and desperation. I must confess, I shudder being near it even now."

" _Aw, come on, it can't be that bad."_

"It _is_ that bad," Weiss snapped. "And you should consider yourselves grateful for not having read the contents inside it. Oh, how I wish I could just wipe my memory clean of that vile encounter."

" _So let me get this straight,"_ Neptune's voice piped up. _"Blake's been writing some porn on the side and she's using all of you as characters?"_

"Yeah, and it's not just us," Jaune sighed. "Some stories feature people outside of Beacon. We have reason to believe that she's written porn of just about everyone she's ever met in her life."

Neptune looked like he was about to say something else when Sun quickly pushed his face closer to the screen. _"Wait, wait, hold up,"_ he said quickly. "Everyone _she's ever met?"_

"Uh, yeah?"

Sun fidgeted slightly and looked awkward all of a sudden, before finally speaking up again. _"Well, uh… do you know if she's written anything about me? J-Just out of curiosity, of course."_

Frowning, Jaune carefully picked up the book, winced at the way it felt in his fingers, and flicked through the pages quickly. After a few seconds, he looked back up at the scroll again. "No, it doesn't look like it."

" _Damn it!"_ Sun cried in a surprisingly disappointed tone. He must have noticed everyone staring at him since he quickly changed his reaction. _"Uh, I mean, yay, great. Glad she doesn't think of me like that."_ He turned his head away from the scroll, grumbling something about how unfair life was or something like that.

What a strange guy.

" _Anyway, moving on,"_ Neptune said over his friend's sour mutterings. _"What are you gonna do about it? I know if I found out one of my buddies on my team was writing porn about me, I'd run screaming and never look back."_

"What _can_ we do about it?" Yang shrugged. "She's never gonna throw it away, and we can't exactly destroy it ourselves. We've already admitted to snooping through her stuff-"

"That was your idea!"

"-so if we then start ripping up her _'hard work',_ " she sneered out the word, "we'd end up looking like the bad guys. Hell, if she goes to the teachers about this, we'd probably end up getting detention too." Whilst that part didn't really scare her, she'd rather not get a detention for 'burning your partner's poorly written porn'. Stuff like that went on your permanent record.

"Yeah, so for now we're just gonna get Jaune's mom to have a look at it," Ruby said. "She might be able to help Blake be a better writer."

"Or at the very least, stop writing dirty stories about us," Weiss huffed. "Either way, it should be a win-win situation, and after tomorrow things should return back to normal."

" _Never thought Blake would do something like this,"_ Sun mumbled. _"I knew she was all mysterious and cool, but this? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still cool because she's the one doing it, but… well, you know what I'm talking about, right?"_

"Uh, no, not really?" Ruby frowned. Everyone was staring at him oddly. Even Neptune was giving him questioning looks.

" _Well, I mean, it sucks for all you guys,"_ he hastily said. _"But if you think about, this is really good thing. Blake is just exercising one of her many talents. I always knew she was a gifted girl, and this book proves it-"_

"Ah, save your breath, monkey boy," Yang scoffed. "You'll drool over just about anything involving Blake." His crush on her partner was obvious to everyone, but it was amazing the things he would roll with just to earn her favour.

" _T-That's not true,"_ he stuttered. _"But come on, can't you guys be a little impressed? I mean, she's obviously worked hard on this and... she's just so cool…"_ The boy trailed off and a dreamy smile stretched across his face. God help the poor guy. It seemed Blake had just unintentionally gained her first fan. Hopefully, it wouldn't be a recurring trend.

" _Don't listen to him,"_ Neptune said, pulling his friend away from the camera. _"But on the bright side, at least you guys get to have a sleepover because of this. That's gotta be fun, right?"_

"It's hardly because we choose to," Weiss grunted. "This is a matter of survival. Growing up, I sometimes had to retreat to one of my families bomb shelters during the threat of a White Fang attack on my home. This feels no different to that."

"Aw, come on, don't be such a stick in the mud, Weiss," Nora laughed. "We can still have a good time. I've got the collector's edition of Remnant: The Game under my bed~"

"I'll play whatever," Yang shrugged. "But Weiss does have a point. Tonight's all about keeping our heads in check. We gotta think like survivalists."

"Pfft, you don't have to be boring to be survivalists," Nora said with an eye-roll. "If you want advice from experts, look no further than me and Ren." She grabbed the Eastern boy by the shoulder and pulled him to her side. "When we were living in the forests of Anima, we did loads of fun things to help pass the time."

"Like what?" Ruby asked.

"Eat every animal we came across," Ren said with a small hint of horror in his tone.

"Aaand we told each other stories," Nora smiled. "Oh, we have so many from living out in the wilderness. Like once I met this guy who was also his own dad and brother-"

Whilst Nora was entertaining a curious Ruby and a bewildered Jaune, Yang and Weiss still gave Neptune their full attention. "So what about you, Neptune?" Yang asked. "You got anyone in Haven doing stuff like Blake?"

" _Not to my knowledge,"_ Neptune said. _"Although we did have this one guy who used to draw pictures of people banging in his free time. From what I heard, it was really hardcore stuff."_

"How romantic," Yang groaned. God, was every wannabe artist a freak? "And where is this Cassanova now? Painting nudes for the upper class?"

" _Ah, well, that I can't say for certain. No one really knows what happened to the guy, as not even his team talks about him these days. Whether it's out of respect for his privacy, or that they just don't wanna be reminded of him is anyone's guess, though."_

"Not too surprising," Weiss hummed. "Having a known pervert on your team would be humiliating. One can only hope that Blake's journal doesn't become known to the public. I don't know how I'd live with the shame. I'd have to leave Vale, that's for certain."

" _You know, you're kinda risking that happening by telling me about this."_ Neptune pointed out.

Weiss' face became the faintest shade of pink and she looked shyly away from the screen. "Well, I feel like I can trust you," she mumbled sheepishly. There was a noise that sounded like Jaune whining in the background, but Yang wasn't paying attention to that. Her mind was hooked on that story Neptune was telling them.

"Do you have any idea what might have happened to him?" she said. "The guy drawing people screwing, I mean."

" _Huh? Oh, right, him."_ The blue-haired boy turned his attention to her once again. _"As I said, no one knows what happened to him. All we know is that one night he just disappeared from the academy. No one has seen him since."_

Yang's eyes widened. Now she was more intrigued than ever. "Disappeared? From how you were describing it earlier, I thought he just left out of embarrassment or something."

" _He probably did, and we just never saw him do it,"_ Neptune shrugged. _"All we know is that he was here one day and gone the next. As far as we're concerned, he just vanished."_

Yang hummed and became absorbed in thought. Blake was certainly known for her disappearing acts, but she had stopped doing those months ago. It was unlikely she'd run off if her journal got discovered by anyone else. Hell, she'd probably welcome the reputation, since she was pretty damn proud of her book according to Weiss.

But what was worse - a pervert on the run, or one that stood by her work?

"That's a neat story, man," she chuckled. "But I don't think Blake is going anywhere anytime soon, so I don't think we need to worry about having to track her down again."

The boy on the screen coughed awkwardly. His face became a little more serious. _"The, um… the story's not finished yet."_

Oh?

"You said he vanished and that no one knows what happened to him," she frowned. "Where do you go on from there?"

" _Yeah, I know what I said,"_ he said. Graven of tone, he continued his story. _"But there's been rumours floating around our school. No one knows how or why he vanished the way he did, but people have theories. Some say he left out of sheer embarrassment. Others say he was kidnapped in the night. But there's one more theory that's widely accepted amongst us all. It's the one I believe the most."_

Yang leaned in closer. She ignored the tingling sense of dread running up her spine, but she couldn't turn away now. "Tell me," she whispered.

Dark-blue eyes met lilac ones. It could've been the video quality, but it looked like Neptune was shaking as he spoke. _"Some people claim that they saw him the night he disappeared,"_ he said softly. _"They say he was running through the hallways, screaming about how his 'muse was catching up to him' or something like that. When they tried following him though, he was nowhere to be found."_

Yang felt the blood in her veins turn to ice water. She looked at Weiss for comfort, but the heiress didn't seem that bothered by the story. She was actually doing her nails whilst Neptune told his frightening tale.

" _Legend says,"_ he continued, _"that you can still hear his screams echo in the hallway at night. Apparently, if you look hard enough, you can see a pale-white figure carrying pictures of naked people sprinting through the school. The last remnants of a perverted madman."_

O-Oh.

Well, that was a worrying thing to think about. Yang now found herself suddenly fearing for her partner's well being. Her crimes against her team were inexcusable, but she was still her partner and friend at the end of the day. The idea of such a grim future happening to her…

Oh God, was this the fate of all artists? She didn't want to lose Blake like that. They were just some punishments in life that were too cruel. She was so preoccupied with the thought of it all, she didn't feel herself start to bring her knees up to her chest, nor the sensation of her arms around them to pull them in tighter.

"Wonderful," Weiss groaned whilst inspecting her nails. "So she's either going to get bored of writing one day, or her own madness will eventually eat her alive. And here I thought this team was finally becoming functional."

" _Well, like I said, it's only a rumour,"_ Neptune said. _"Just because I believe it, doesn't mean it's true."_

"I just don't understand," Yang mumbled quietly. Her eyes were now glued to the floor, hidden beneath bangs of yellow hair. "Why is she only starting to do this now? Is it something we did? No, it must have been me. I am her partner, after all."

"Yang?"

" _Uh, Yang? You hanging in there, girl?"_

Yang barely heard them. Her mind was a hurricane of guilt. She could already see Blake running through Beacon's hallways, howling about her struggles as an artist. Yang had come so far helping Blake lead a normal life. She didn't want all her efforts being destroyed by a couple of dirty stories. Unfortunately, that seemed exactly like what was happening now.

"E-Excuses me, guys," Yang hastily said, standing up and walking away from the group. "I need to be alone right now." She walked across the bedroom and made her way to Team JNPR's bathroom. She heard Nora saying something about remembering to flush before she shut the door behind her. She stared at her reflection in the mirror miserably.

Of course it was her fault Blake was now like this. If she had been any kind of decent partner, she would've seen the signs months ago. Or maybe she had already seen them but chose to ignore them, thinking it was just one of her partner's many quirks? Damn it, she was so heartless!

Yang's eyes became misty. Her hands gripped the sink with enough force to almost make cracks form in the basin. This wasn't natural. People didn't just start writing porn out of the blue, especially about their friends. One of them must have influenced her to do so. But who? Who?

The culprit looked her dead in the face. No amount of reasoning could convince Yang otherwise. She was the guilty party. She had caused her poor little partner to start writing smut about her friends. And she knew exactly how she did it.

She looked at her body in disgust. She glared at her curvy figure, snarled at her well-toned thighs and arms, and she absolutely detested how perfect the shape and size of her breasts were. Her golden hair flowed down her head like a river of sunshine, and her face was devoid of any imperfections.

Her raw sexiness had influenced her partner. Corrupted her until she had no choice but to release her frustrations out on pen and paper.

How could she have been so blind? She had always been so careless with her looks, always walking out in the open with pride from how she looked. She didn't once think about the consequences her actions must have caused. Her dad and Qrow had always told her to dress modestly, but she always thought they said that to prevent people from taking advantage of her. Whilst that was technically true - though if anyone tried anything with her, they'd be missing a few fingers - the real reason was far more damning.

Her good looks caused people to write smutty fantasies.

She had been such an idiot. She had been so reckless with her beauty that it was starting to melt the minds of those she cared about. Blake was only the beginning. How long would it be until Ruby started to write her own perverted material?

No. She would not allow her sweet baby sister to fall into such depravity. It was time to start taking some responsibilities for her actions!

She immediately buttoned up her jacket to hide her dangerous cleavage. It was a start, but her body was still too perfect. She would have to buy more formal, less revealing clothes tomorrow in order to conceal her sultry figure. She'd probably have to think about having a different hairstyle too, as it was far too alluring in its current state. The change would feel odd for a few days, but it was for the greater good.

She would not allow anyone else to fall to the taint.

[/]

The airship ride to Vale was a calm and relaxing one. Unlike her husband and children, Christina Arc did not suffer from motion sickness - something she constantly teased the rest of her family for having - meaning she could look out the window and enjoy the view in peace.

And what an impressive view it was. The buildings stood tall and proud and the streets were alive with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Whilst she prefered the quiet life of living in the countryside, she would admit that it looked like an exciting place to live. It seemed like a million things were happening at once in the streets below her.

However, none of that compared to the sight of Beacon Academy looming in the distance. It looked more like a castle than a school. Its large spires pierced the sky and the building stood out with its brilliant white brickwork. Its tower stretched the highest of all the buildings in the city, gazing down on the city like some kind of omnipotent being. It was truly the pinnacle of architectural perfection.

But there was still one more thing she needed to see. Her whole reason for travelling out into the city, and whose presence would push every impressive sight she had seen to the back of her mind. It wouldn't be long now and she couldn't wait until she finally landed.

The airship began to slowly make its descent to the docking station, eventually coming to a gentle stop. The doors unlocked and she pushed her way through the crowd of people trying to exit the airship. Once she made it outside, she frantically looked around for her target in mind. Now was the time they had agreed to meet, so he had to be somewhere nearby.

And then she saw him. Standing out from the crowd with that recognizable shade of blond hair, he stood by the exit to the docking station waving to her. Even when greeting his own mother, he still had that shy, slightly awkward demeanour about him. It seemed there were just some things that not even a prestigious hunter academy could change.

That made her happy.

But not as happy as seeing him again. She promised herself on the flight that she wouldn't be overly emotional when seeing him. That it would embarrass him and probably make the reunion awkward. It was only when she saw him again that she realised how quickly she was about to break that promise.

She closed the distance between him and her in seconds, crashing into him as she pulled him into the tightest hug she could muster. The heartache born of months without communication was suddenly healed in that moment. Her baby boy was alive and well.

"There you are," she sobbed, tears of happiness streaming down her cheeks. Oh, let them flow. If people were gonna judge her for getting emotional from seeing her son, so be it. Idiots like them would never experience the joy she was feeling right now. "Gods, I've missed you so much."

"Haha, Mom, take it easy," Jaune laughed as he hugged her back. Goodness gracious, had he gotten bigger? Her arms could barely get around him. "Come on, ease up a bit. You're choking me here."

She rolled her eyes at his silly complaint but stood back regardless. She was getting tears all over his hoodie and knowing what a slob her son was, _she'd_ be the one to end up washing it. She looked up at him with a beaming smile, her vision still slightly blurry from tears.

"You've grown," she laughed. "You're far more muscular than when you were living at home. Beacon's been treating you well."

"You think so?" he chuckled, inspecting his arm for good measure. "I don't think I look any different than before. I certainly don't feel any different."

Of course he didn't. Trust him to disregard his own achievements. He was probably just be being humble, though knowing how her son was, it was probably a result of his endless list of insecurities. The poor child.

"Well, _I_ do see the improvement," she said. "So would your family if you remembered to visit…"

His expression dropped. "Um, yeah, that," he sighed. "Listen, I'm so sorry for not-"

"I'm joking," she said with an eye-roll. For now, at least. His punishment would come in time, but not now. "Don't worry about that now. I'm trying to give you a compliment. You look very well, son."

His face lit up again, albeit slightly. "Well, I've really gotta thank my partner for that," he said. "She's been sparring with me every night before bed. Any muscle I've gained is thanks to her."

"Oh, your partner's a _she_?" Christina could only hope that she and her son got on well, as her boy had trouble acting calm around any girl outside of his family. Still, it was a mother's job to tease him about girls and she would not abandon her duties so quickly. "And what's she like then?" she asked with a coy grin. "Do you think she's pretty?"

A bright-red blush formed on his face. All too easy. "Er, um, wha-?" he stammered. "I-I mean, yeah, I guess? Yeah, s-she's very pretty. I've never really thought of her in that way though."

"Oh, is that so?" Normally she'd stop there, but he still needed to pay for not calling home sooner. Besides, she was having too much fun. "You don't feel a little attraction towards her? You've already admitted she's pretty~"

"W-Wait, it's not like that! I mean… well, not to say she isn't beautiful - she _is_ beautiful - but I, I… argh, I dunno!" He buried his face in his hands. "God, why do you have to say stuff like this?"

"I'm just being curious, that's all," she said, shrugging in a way that pretended to be innocent. "She makes time to train you every night, you say? Sounds like she might be trying to get close to you~"

The boy in front of her could no longer form comprehensible words. Okay, that was enough teasing for now. She wanted to be able to talk to her son after all this time.

"Well anyway, remind me to give her my thanks if I see her," she beamed. Whether he realised it or not, he _was_ muscular than before and even stood up a little straighter. Her son was a tall boy, it was only right that he carried himself confidently. "This is a good look for you, Jaune."

"Oh, stop it," he laughed, looking away from her and rubbing the back of his head. "Really though, I'm still miles behind the rest of my team and everyone else at Beacon. Compared to them, I'm nothing spec-"

"Oh no, you don't," she snapped, flicking his nose with her finger. "Jaune Arc, this is my first time in months finally being able to see you in person. I will not have you use that time belittling yourself." Especially considering how far he had come in those months away from home. She would not allow him to dismiss his achievements so easily. "Look at yourself. You're a huntsman-in-training at one of the best hunter academies in the world. Wear that with pride, son."

Jaune blinked dumbly at her words, before laughing in a more happier tone than before. "You kinda sound like my partner when you speak like that," he laughed.

"Your partner knows what she's talking about," she smiled. She was liking the sound of her every second. Whoever she was, Christina was looking forward to thanking her for supporting her son. At least she saw the potential inside him, even if he didn't.

"Yeah, she does," he sighed. "Man, all of my teammates are the best. I gotta introduce you to them, they all know you're coming. We might even bump into Team RWBY along the way- er, that's a team that my team are very close friends with."

It seemed her son was making new friends around every corner. Beacon sounded like a wonderful place, despite the dangerous career path it offered its students. "Then what are we waiting for?" she beamed. "Let's get moving. I'm dying to meet all your new friends."

"Hehe, yeah, of course," he said, sounding a little nervous for some reason. She was about to ask him what was wrong, when he met her gaze with a serious expression. "I _am_ sorry for what I did to you," he said quietly. "I know I said it yesterday, but I'll say it again for good measure. I'll never make you worry like that ever again."

She smiled and hugged him again, this time more gently than before. If anything, he was the one holding tighter this time. "Please don't make yourself upset about that," she said gently. "I've already forgiven you. Let's try to continue today on a more positive note. You can start by telling me more about your time in Beacon."

He pulled away from her and gave her a shaky smile. As he lead her through the streets of Vale on their way to Beacon, he told her all about his life at the academy. There were some good times and some bad ones - a particular case involving him getting bullied came to mind - but he seemed to be enjoying his time away from home.

And oh wow, he had a lot to say about his team. If his dream was what encouraged him to go to Beacon, then his team was what encouraged him to stay. He adored them like they were his own family, and in some ways they were. They slept in the same room, ate during the same time, hunted creatures of darkness together. They were all as thick as thieves, which was reinforced by how well they got on with each other.

She was shocked to find out that his partner was none other than Pyrrha Nikos. She didn't know much about the girl, but she was aware of her reputation as an accomplished tournament fighter. It certainly explained the change in his physique. Having someone as talented as her being your personal trainer would no doubt change a person.

What was even more surprising was how her son claimed to not have recognised her when they first met.

"Really? At no point did she look familiar to you?"

"I'm serious, not once. It was only when I got told that she was on the front cover of the Pumpkin Pete cereal did I realise who she was."

"Surely you must have heard of her on TV? In the newspapers?"

"You know I don't watch the sports channel. And newspapers are boring."

"I just find it odd that an aspiring hunter had never even heard of her before. You were always a bit of a shut-in, but this is a bit much."

"Moooom!"

After much banter about her son's total lack of awareness, they had finally arrived at the gates of Beacon Academy. Good Lord, she thought the place looked impressive from a distance. Looking up at the building, she was awestruck by how beautiful it was. She had seen pictures of the academy before, but nothing compared to seeing it in person.

"Oh, it's beautiful," she gasped, starstruck from the sight of it.

"It is, isn't it?" he smiled. "I had the same reaction as you when I first came here. Mind you, the novelty tends to wear off when the headmaster throws you off a cliff for initiation."

Oh yes, that was right. Despite how incredible it looked, a deathtrap was still a deathtrap. That was enough to break her sense of wonder. Coming back to reality, she noticed the disturbing number of teens walking around with guns, blades, and other dangerous objects. They handled them so brazenly too, carrying them around like they were fashion statements.

She knew she shouldn't be worried, these students were trained to use them responsibly after all. But considering how she was a normal civilian, it had her on edge with how open they were with their weapons. She was thankful that her son at least had the decency to leave his behind when he met her.

"There's an awful lot of weapons around here," she murmured, keeping her voice down to not upset anybody. She wasn't usually afraid of a bunch of teens, but give anyone a gun and they looked like a Goliath.

"You get used to it after a while," he laughed confidently. "Besides, we're all trained, so there's nothing to worry about."

"I know, but still, at such a young age? Don't you think something can go wrong? Has there been any accidents yet involving weapons?"

"None that I've heard of," he hummed. "Although there was that one time when my friend Ruby sneezed into a cloud of dust, causing a huge explosion to happen in the courtyard."

How reassuring…

"There you are!" Came a loud, girly voice from afar. Rushing up to them was a short, ginger girl with a slightly tall, Eastern-looking boy following behind her. "We've been waiting here forever, Jaune! What took you so long?"

"I thought I'd show my mom the city first," Jaune addressed the girl. "She hasn't been to Vale in a while, so I figured I'd show her the sights." He then turned his attention back to her. "Mom, these are two of my teammates, Nora Valkyrie and Lie Ren. Guys, this is my mother, Christina Arc."

"It's lovely to meet you both," Christina said warmly, extending a hand at the pair of them. "My son speaks very highly of you all- _hrk!_ "

The girl named Nora nearly ripped her arm off from how hard she shook her hand. Was the girl a fan of her work, or was she this enthusiastic with everyone? At least the Lie boy (or Ren, which name were you supposed to use first in their culture?) was a bit gentler.

"Nice to meet you, Mama Arc," Nora cheered. "Wow, you're like, really pretty. I don't know how old you are and it'd probably be rude of me to ask. I mean, you're old enough to be a mom, so you're probably a little bit old, but regardless, you're super pretty. Seriously, wow. Good job."

The girl spoke a mile a minute, but Christina somehow managed to catch up with all that. Well, enough to understand that she was giving her a compliment.

"Well, thank you very much, dear," she chuckled. "I do try to look my best. You're quite beautiful yourself if you don't mind me saying."

It was true. Despite being a little eccentric, Nora had a lovely shade of orange hair, a sweet-looking face, and a healthy figure befitting of a huntress. That pink outfit she was wearing complimented her, making her stand out from the crowd and the bright colours matched her personality.

"Aw, shucks," she laughed. "I'm not much to look at. You're the one with the pretty hair and eyes. I hope I look as good as you when I'm older."

Christina couldn't help but smile at the girl. She liked Nora already. She was sweet, energetic, and very polite. All in all, she seemed like a very pleasant girl to be around.

"Your husband's a lucky man. I can see why he put eight babies in you."

And just like that, those assumptions died in a horrific car crash in her mind. She could almost hear the sound of screeching tyres going off in her head.

"How do you maintain that figure?" Nora carried on, completely oblivious to her horrified expression. "Most people would have a stomach looking like a deflated bouncy castle after that many kids, but you are keeping it real. I can barely see the ripples-"

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Ren - that was what she was calling him now - said in an eerily calm voice. "My apologies, Mrs Arc. Nora has a habit of saying whatever is on her mind a little too often than necessary.

"I-It's quite alright," she said, turning her attention to the green-clad boy. Anything to distract her from what Nora had just said. "I'm just happy to be here. I've been looking forward to meeting my son's team."

"As have we with you," he smiled in a way that sent shivers down her spine. "It's a pleasure to meet the mother of our leader. I welcome you to our academy and I hope you enjoy your stay."

My, how formal. The boy certainly knew his manners. Hopefully, the majority of males in the school were as polite as him.

Nevertheless, there was something about him that made her uneasy. He had been nothing but polite with her so far, but his cool, level-headed demeanour had her slightly on edge. In a school that trained children to be weapons, his calm nature made him seem sinister in her eyes. Like an assassin ready to strike.

And those eyes. The colour of them was already unusual, but it's the way they looked at her that made her tremble. It wasn't in a perverted way, but it was almost like he was analyzing her as they spoke, looking for any traces of weakness about her. Probably a useful trait for a huntsman to have, but she felt like she was being put under a microscope.

"T-That's very kind of you to say," she stammered, turning her head slightly to avoid his eyes. She didn't want to seem rude, but she couldn't help but feel vulnerable under his gaze. She just hoped he wouldn't feel offended and slit her throat in anger.

Oh God, did she really just think that? She was more paranoid than she realised.

Thankfully, for better or worse, Jaune didn't seem to notice his mother's nervous demeanour and kept that happy attitude of his. "Hey, where's Pyrrha?" he asked his team. "Didn't she come here with you guys?"

Oh yes, Pyrrha Nikos. She sighed with relief in her mind. Finally, the chance to meet someone normal in this school. She'd probably ask for her autograph later, just to give to her children as a present. Her youngest daughter was a huge fan of hers.

"Oops. Nearly forgot about her," Nora giggled. "You're gonna love her, Mrs Arc. Wait there. I'll wheel her out."

Um, wheel?

Before she could ask what she meant by that, Nora had already bolted off. She caught Ren looking at her with those eyes again, causing her to quickly turn her head away. Good Lord, she was being intimidated by children. Heavily armed children to be fair, but still children. If her husband Solomon saw her acting like this, he'd be in hysterics.

After a few minutes of waiting and avoiding Ren's gaze, the sound of squeaky wheels could be heard in the distance. She looked up and saw Nora looking as cheerful as before, pushing someone in a wheelchair towards them.

"Oh my God," Christina said out loud upon recognizing who was in the chair.

Sitting in the chair, wearing a light-blue hospital gown decorated with sigils of a lightning bolt going through a hammer was Pyrrha Nikos herself.

At least, it _looked_ like Pyrrha Nikos, but the state she was in could've proven otherwise. Her red hair that she usually wore in a ponytail was all frazzled and wiry, hanging down her face and obscured most of her face. She still wore her signature tiara, but the gold paint was fading and it looked like she had doodled on it. There were drawings of crows drawn crudely in black marker decorating the whole thing.

The girl, who was apparently the real Pyrrha Nikos, looked up at her. Her hair covered most of her face, but Christina could still see her green eyes shining through her bangs. They were sunken and glowed with madness. A demented, toothy-grin stretched across her face when she saw her.

"Is that you, Yang?" she asked in a hauntingly merry voice. It felt like she was addressing Christina, but it was hard to tell. "My, you look different today. Did you do something with your hair?"

Christina was at a complete loss for words. This? This was her son's partner? This was the one they named the Invincible Girl and was hailed as one of the strongest people alive?

What the hell did this school do to these children!?

Nora didn't seem fazed by her attitude and happily answered Pyrrha's question. "You better look your sharpest, Pyrrha," she said. "You're speaking to our dear leader's mom today."

"Jaune's mother?" she gasped. The second she said the words, she instantly threw herself out of the chair and stood directly in front of her. Grabbing Christina by the shoulders, she pulled her close so that she was mere inches away from her face. Christina yelped as she was dragged forward, but Pyrrha's unblinking gaze silenced any of her complaints. Her green eyes bore into hers, drilling into her like emerald needles.

"Is this true?" she whispered, her grip on her shoulders tightening as she spoke. "You are the mother of Jaune? Is this true!?"

Christina gulped. The girl may have been younger than her, but she was taller, stronger and a million times more terrifying in this state. Meeting her gaze was like looking into the eyes of death. Pyrrha had managed to go from eerily happy to terrifyingly serious in a second.

"Um, yes, I am," she stammered out. "Christina Arc, at your service..."

She awaited judgement in the grip of the celebrity. A moment of silence passed and she could see Pyrrha's eyes twitch slightly. Her piercing gaze started to look a little softer, which helped slow down the pace of her rapidly beating heart.

A scream of joy erupted from the redhead and she threw her arms around Christina in a crushing hug. She jumped up and down in delighted, dragging her with her. Christina's brain rattled in her skull whilst the rest of her bones tried to stop her from snapping in two. Why wasn't anyone helping her!?

"Oh, what joyous days are these," Pyrrha squealed, finally stopping with her lethal jumping. "The mother of Jaune has finally graced us with her presence. Glory unto you, Lady Christina!"

"I-It's nice to meet you too, dear," she chuckled nervously. Anything to please the bubbly death-machine that was currently holding her. "It's great to finally meet my son's partner. You've done a great job with whipping him into shape." At least that part was true.

"Oh please, the honour is mine," she gasped dramatically. "Your son is a golden god that I am not worthy to be in the presence of." She dropped to her knees and bowed her head. "Your kind words bring me peace, O great Mother Arc."

Staring at the madwoman prostrated before, Christina decided to take a raincheck on that autograph. Why was no one else horrified by this? We're they not seeing the same thing as her? Even Jaune didn't look fazed by his partner's actions. Had the madness claimed her baby boy too?

No, not him! Take her instead, just leave her son in peace!

"She seems so much different on TV," Christina said softly to Jaune, trying her best to avoid Pyrrha hearing her. The girl in question was mumbling some kind of prayer, so she was probably too distracted to hear her.

"Yeah, she hasn't been quite the same since she read Blake's journal," Jaune nodded. "But she's in good hands. Nora's the best nurse Pyrrha could ask for."

Christina shot a worried glance at the ginger blabbermouth. "Nora's her nurse?" she asked. That would certainly explain her current mental state. She had only known Nora for two minutes and was already assuming the worst.

Nora grinned and pulled out a scroll of paper from her cleavage and handed it to her. Unraveling it, it was revealed to be a masters degree in medicine from a prestigious university.

"Fully licensed and approved," Nora said with a wink. "Nurse Nora Valkyrie, at your service."

They let lunatics be hunters and nurses. These were strange and scary times they were living in."

"Oh, that reminds me," Jaune said, "I still need to talk to Mom about Blake's journal. I haven't even shown it to her yet. Sorry guys, but we're gonna have to go. I'll meet you guys for dinner."

Go? Yes, go! Don't apologise, just get her away from these people!

"You got it, Jauney," Nora grinned, giving Christina a wave. "It was nice meeting you, Mama Arc." She tapped Pyrrha on the shoulder, who was still down on the ground. "C'mon, Pyrrha. If you be a good girl, Nurse Nora will buy you some of that chocolate you love."

Pyrrha stood up with a blissful smile on her face. "Mmm, butterscotch," she hummed in delight. Christina felt her heart stop when Pyrrha looked at her again and pulled her into a hug. "It was a privilege, Lady Christina," she said before whispering in her ear, "your son looks delicious when he sweats~"

With Pyrrha's final message burned in her memory, she got back in her wheelchair and the rest of Jaune's team walked back towards the school. She watched them leave with fear in her heart, whereas Jaune looked on with a loving smile on his face.

"Aren't they just the best?" he sighed happily.

"They're certainly a very… colourful bunch," she said. Colourful was the only polite way of describing them. These children looked like they'd be sent straight off to the madhouse once they graduated.

"I know, right?" he laughed. "I just hope I can someday be as strong as them. I know I'm their leader, but they're great role models for me."

Distraction! She needed a distraction now!

"Y-You mentioned something about a journal?" she said, trying to hide the disgust in her voice.

He slapped his forehead playfully. "I almost forgot again," he laughed. "Come on, I'll show you it somewhere private before I get distracted again."

He ended up taking her to a small pavilion in one of Beacon's many gardens. The colourful flowers and neatly-arranged shrubberies helped her forget the horrors she had witnessed.

They were sat down at a table in the pavilion. She had little time to admire the pretty scenery before he slapped a small black book in front of her. "You remember how I said I needed to show you something?" he said, pointing at the book in front of her. "Well, this is it."

She picked up the book and studied it. It was small, thin, and for some reason had an unsettling aura about it. "It's… a book," she noted, a little confused why he wanted to show it privately to her. It didn't look like anything suspicious.

"Yes, I suppose you could call it that," he muttered gravely. Well, what else was she meant to call it? It _was_ a book. And was it just her, or did he have a little disdain in his voice?

Still, in school full of weapons and homicidal teenagers, books were at least a familiar territory for her. "Is it yours, dear?"

"God, no!" he yelped, as if the idea of owning it horrified him. "No, this belongs to my friend Blake. It's her… story journal, I guess you could call it. She writes stories in it, 'cause I guess she wants to be an author or something."

"Oh, is that so?" she said, surprised that a girl training to be a hunter also had other aspirations. Especially one involving books. "But wait, if this is her book, why do you have it? Did she lend it to you?"

"Nah, we swiped it from her last night," he said casually enough. "Now before you get all uppity about it, know that we did it for a reason. Blake's a pal, but this book is uh, kind of a problem right now."

Disregarding the fact that her son had just admitted to stealing someone else's property, she pressed for further information. "What kind of problem are you talking about exactly?" she said, studying the book again for good measure. "And furthermore, what business of yours is this book? It's not even yours."

"Yeah, but we had a look inside it when she wasn't looking," he admitted. A disappointed groan left her lips. "Look, don't worry about my dwindling moral code right now. All you gotta know is that this book is sorta ruining our lives. I called you here so you could help us."

"Help? How can I help? What's even in it?"

"Read it and find out," he grumbled. "I was hoping you could give Blake some writing advice after you read some of her stuff. What with you being the greatest writer in the world and all."

"Don't think you can flatter your way out of this," she said sternly. "You admit to stealing someone's private property, and now you're asking me to critique it? Isn't this a little rude to do to one of your friends? Think about what the poor girl is thinking right now, knowing that her work is missing."

"Trust me, we're doing her a favour," he huffed. "Look, she's likely never gonna stop writing these things, so the least we can do is help her improve. It's a win-win situation."

"You still haven't told me how this affects all of you. Again, what do you care what she writes in her private time?"

"Alright, gimme a minute." He took the book from her, flicked through the pages for a bit, before coming to a stop. "Okay, read that and tell me that it doesn't affect us," he said, pointing at the open page.

Christina sighed and looked at the page. It seemed like there was no getting around this. Jaune's time at Beacon had made him more assertive, which was in some ways good and some ways bad. But to criticise a girl's hard work without her knowledge was something she didn't feel happy about. It was a complete disregard for someone's privacy.

But perhaps she could help her out somehow? The girl apparently had aspirations of being an author, something she could relate to when she was that age. She would certainly be doing her a favour by giving her a few pointers. Maybe she'd be able to meet the girl personally? Everyone in the school seemed terrifying right now, but a fellow book-lover felt like something she could handle.

"Fine, I'll do it," she groaned. "But after this, we're having a long talk about respecting other people's privacy." She looked down and let the words on the page flow into her mind.

[/]

 _ **Enter the Dragon - An action/romance by Shadowcat**_

 _A very Asian wind blew across the horizon._

 _The land of Chijapaorea was a place of learning, honour, and martial arts. It was also home to one of the most fearsome warriors alive - Lie Ren of the Green Dragon Clan._

 _Also known as 'the Blooming Flower', he had mastered all forms of combat across the land. Kung fu, Kendo, Thumb-wrestling, he knew it all. Legend has it that he could hit someone so hard, it would hurt. His fighting spirit was a flame that would not be closed._

 _And today, he would face his ultimate challenge. His ultimate destiny…_

 _He had left his village at a young age to pursue his epic quest. He walked the path of the warrior; living his life on the road, honing his skills with a blade, and rarely stopping for noodle breaks. His journey had been long and hard, but as he looked up at the mountain before him, he knew it was coming to an end._

 _The mountain stood tall and erect, its head piercing the heavens. Milky-white snow formed at the top of it, sometimes dripping down to the earth. Indeed, some of it landed in his eyes when Ren looked up at it. What a mighty big mountain it was._

 _His destiny waited for him at the top of that mountain. Apparently, his destiny wasn't afraid of heights, as it was the tallest mountain in the Chijaporea. He would have to walk his way up, as the service elevator was broken. He felt like such a baka for not wearing his mountain-climbing gi._

 _He walked up the mountain for many hours. The heels in his sandals were beginning to wear down, making them look like wooden flip-flops. He was sweating all over, making his gi reveal the outline of his muscular body. But he refused to stop for rest because then he wouldn't sweat as much, preventing his gi from revealing the outline of his muscular body._

 _Destiny required him to be moist._

 _He finally made his way to the top. There, sitting cross-legged at the edge with his back turned to Ren, was a man dressed entirely in yellow. Sensing his presence, the yellow man (_ _ **note to self: is that racist considering the setting?)**_ _turned to face the boy in green. The man had tanned skin, hair that shone brighter than any rice field, and one of those cone-shaped hats that hid his face. But his yellow garb made him unmistakable to the young warrior._

 _It was his arch-rival - Taiyang Xiao Long of the Yellow Dragon Clan._

 _Taiyang smirked and threw his cone-hat behind him. The wind current made it act like a frisbee though, so it travelled back and hit him in the back of the head. He placed it on the ground and stood on it, allowing him to speak without any distractions._

" _So, the Blooming Flower has come to challenge me again?" Taiyang taunted. "This amuses me more than that time I killed your family, boy!"_

 _Ren's teeth gritted in anger. Yes, Taiyang had indeed killed not only his family but his whole people too. When he found out what had happened, he could barely finish his noodles. And so it was that Ren had devoted his whole life to one single purpose - to kill the man who killed his family._

" _You have disgraced the good people of Chijaporea for too long, Taiyang of the Yellow Dragon Clan!" Ren said. His emotions were angry, but his tone was as calm as a floating petal. It made him sound honorabru. "We shall engage in combat for the last time!"_

" _Aha! But what hope does a sapling like yourself have against the pride of the Yellow Dragon Clan?" Taiyang laughed cockily. "My legacy runs like the waters of the waterfalls. I am known across the land as the Billion Manslayer. I could kill you right now and the universe wouldn't even blink. My power is root and stem. Not even the gods themselves dare face me. I am unstoppable!"_

 _It didn't matter because Ren was the chosen one._

" _Your power does not frighten me, demon!" Ren said. "Nothing frightens me. I have lived without fear since the day you killed my family. You entered my village under the cover of night and destroyed it with your powers. I had to watch my whole family die in front of me. Meanwhile, you just kept laughing and challenged me to fight you then next time I saw you."_

" _Yes I know, I was there-"_

" _Silence!" Ren shouted. How dare someone interrupt his monologue!? "Since that day, I have travelled the land, getting stronger so that I can one day kill you. And so that day has come, Taiyang. Today you die by my hand!"_

 _Silence fell across the mountaintop as the two warriors stared each other down. Had this took place in the West, a tumbleweed would have flown past between them._

" _Mwhahaha!" Taiyang said laughingly. "Your foolishness truly knows no bounds. I shall take delight in killing you!"_

 _The final battle was drawing nearer. They both started to remove their gi's, as was tradition to do before a fight._

" _It is not me who will die today," Ren said. "My strength has doubled since we last met. I will be the greatest warrior this land has ever seen!"_

" _Fool!" Taiyang shouted shoutingly._

 _They both began to remove their underwear, as was tradition. The thick, pungy scent of battle was in the air. Both warriors had sweat trickling down their biceps, waiting for the other to make the first move. Neither of them felt the icy cold wind, as they were both muscular enough to ignore the cold._

 _They then poured oil over their bodies, giving their abs and pecs that deliciously smooth feel to them, and giving them a bit of extra shine._

 _Tradition._

" _No more words!" Ren roared. "Fight!"_

 _With a cry for battle, they both slammed into each other. Their bodies clashed like the sun and the moon, neither of them giving ground. Their hands explored each other's bodies, trying to rub more oil into each other as much as possible. They stared into each other's eyes with a warriors gaze._

" _You are weak and pathetic!" Taiyang cried. "Give up and I will grant you an easy death!"_

" _This flower still has a few petals left," Ren growled._

 _They jumped away from each other and drew their swords. Their blades were long and hard, and a little bit lubricated due to the oil. Ren's sword stood at attention to face Taiyang. Ever since that man killed his family, Ren wanted nothing more than to stick his sword deep inside Taiyang._

 _Taiyang grinned and charged up his special move. His body started to glow with special warrior energy. "Ryuakumambison!" he roared and then swung his sword with both hands. A stream of hot white energy burst from the blade, hitting Ren in the chest and sending him flying back. His nipples twitched violently from the impact._

" _Nani?" he growled. He had no idea Taiyang's sword could shoot so powerfully. He stared at his chest and cried out in anger when he saw that some oil had disappeared from the attack. How was he supposed to fight without being slick!?_

" _Foolish flower," Taiyang taunted. "Did you really think you stood a chance against the pride of the Yellow Dragon Clan? You are a stem between my shears!"_

 _Victory seemed impossible, but Ren would not be plucked so easily. He saw Taiyang's bare chest, still greasy with oil. The way the slippery liquid dripped down his muscles like an amber waterfall gave him an idea._

 _What was is that Master Sensei Ruby-chan-san-kun once said?_

" _ **Improvisation is the key to battle, mate."**_

 _That was the last thing she said before she died of diabetes after consuming too many fortune cookies. Damn you, Taiyang!_

 _Moving with the grace of the wind, he rubbed himself against the unexpected Taiyang, desperately trying to get as much oil on him as possible._

" _What ninjary is this!?" Taiyang shouted. Ren ignored him as he tried absorbing more of his body liquid. He could feel himself getting more slippery by the minute._

 _Having taken enough muscle juices, he jumped back and charged up his own special attack. He stood firm on the ground and started shouting really loudly. Because that's what you do in a fight - stand still and shout so that you get more powerful. Taiyang didn't stop him because shouting is scary._

 _This continued for ten minutes until Ren finally had enough energy. "Flower Fury, Giga Smack!" Ren roared, uppercutting Taiyang high in the air with his butt. Taiyang went soaring. For a second he looked like he disappeared until he came falling back down to earth._

" _Hmpf, too easy," Ren muttered, grabbing Taiyang's legs and burying his face in his crotch for extra grip. He swung Taiyang around before throwing him to the side. Taiyang went crashing to the ground and laid there, his naked muscular body covered in mud and oil. He didn't try to get up._

 _It was over. The battle was won._

" _I have avenged my family and clan," Ren said with pride. But his work wasn't finished yet. The oni before him still needed to be shanked._

 _Taiyang looked up at him with pleading eyes. "No, Ren, don't do it," he weeped. "Have mercy on me!"_

 _Mercy? What a joke. This was the man who killed his whole family and now he was begging to be spared. This foolishness had to end._

" _I will never forgive you," Ren snarled. "You killed my family and clan. I will have vengeance!"_

" _But you don't understand," Taiyang cried. "Yes, I murdered your family, but I it because… no one understands me."_

 _Ren gasped. His sword quivered in his hand. Ever since setting foot out on his journey, he had been blessed with incredible power and purpose due to being the chosen one. He too had trouble connecting to people because of it._

" _Is that true?" he whispered. It was unthinkable, but he felt he understood his nemesis on a deeper level now._

" _It is," he sobbed. "But not only that. All those terrible things I did? I only did them to get you to notice me. I… I love you, Ren!"_

 _Ren's face went as pink as the flower he was associated with. Love. He didn't know if he was worthy of it. He had failed to stop the death of his people. He didn't deserve such tingly feelings._

 _But he looked into his nemesis' eyes and saw that his words were true. Taiyang was in love with him. And maybe it was just him being emotional after the fight, but… maybe he loved him too?_

" _Oh, Taiyang, I had no idea you felt that way about me," he blushed. "I too have a confession. I… I love you too."_

 _Taiyang gasped in a 'is this nigga serious?' way. "But how? I killed your family! Your entire clan!"_

" _Nobody's perfect," Ren smiled. He had thought about Taiyang the entire time on the road. But his thoughts of hatred slowly gave way to feelings of romance the more he dwelled on it. It was definitely there all this time, but it was so subtle that his feelings had been kept hidden, even from himself. Their relationship was deep like that._

 _Ren knelt down next to his new lover and firmly planted a different kind of sword into a tighter, warmer sheath. Ren lived by the warrior's code: Live by the sword, die by the sword._

 _In this case, he was fucking by the sword. In the ass!_

" _Oooh, Ren-senpai," Taiyang moaned. "This is all I ever wanted in life." It was all Ren wanted too, even if he hadn't realised it until now. But such was the way of life._

 _Ren cut through Taiyang's innocence like a knife in the shadows. Taiyang had purposefully kept himself pure in case the young lotus chose to spread his seed inside him. It was a truly magical moment, one that they would speak about in haikus and the occasional doujinshi._

 _Their bodies were slick with oil and sweat as they rutted like greasy pigs. In that moment, the bitter rivalry between both clans came to a close. The green and the yellow would be unified to form one colour - love._

 _Ren looked over to the snow that coated some of the ground. An idea formed in his head. "Let's do it in the snow," he said. "The cold will make me harder."_

 _Taiyang nodded and Ren carried him over to the snow, still deep inside him at all times. He and Taiyang had been alone for so long, that he would never let them feel that way ever again. He was finally connected to someone, and to sever that connection would break his heart._

 _They laid down in the snow, the white substance acting as a frosty blanket of passion for the two. Ren was right - everything about them was hard now. Their muscles strengthened, their nipples hardened, their penises grew at least seven inches. They were the epitome of manhood._

 _Speaking of manhood, Ren's speed quickened until he couldn't hold back anymore. "Flower Fury, Giga Smack," he whispered in Taiyang's ear before unleashing his energy deep inside him._

" _Yatta!" Taiyang cried as he was filled to the brim. The two laid against each other, soaking in the feelings of pleasure they were feeling. Their bodies were as slippery as a fish, yet they found themselves glued together. "This was all part of my keikaku all along," he breathed blissfully._

 _Ren shook his head and kissed Taiyang on the forehead._ " _Love doesn't follow a keikaku," he whispered. "It is much like the flower petals in the summer wind - it is free and goes wherever it wants it to go. Because people can't stop the wind. Because wind is air, and people can't stop air. Because air is wind."_

 _Tears poured down Taiyang's face. "Ren-senpai is so poetic," he whispered. "You really are the chosen one…"_

 _Ren smiled. "I am your chosen one," he said lovingly, leaning down to kiss him again. And so it was that the land of Chijaporea finally found peace._

 _ **The End**_

[/]

Christina's eyes followed the final word of the story. She didn't think she needed glasses, but considering what she had just read and the absurdity of it, she had to believe that there was simply something wrong with her eyesight.

"Hmm," she hummed, trying to be polite and pretending to think about what she was about to say. 'Hmm' was just about the best review this story was gonna get from her. She had read better stories in newspapers that were being used to wrap chips.

There was mediocre, there was awful, and then there was… this. She didn't even know where to begin with her feedback, other than recommending the girl never touch a pen and paper again. She knew it was cruel to think that way about a young aspiring author, but her brain honestly hurt from reading that. She felt her normally golden hair just turn a little bit grey as she read each word.

And the content! _The content!_ If it was true that an author's writing was a window into their soul, then this Blake girl had a lot of sexual issues she needed to sort out. Her idea of romance was traumatising. She felt sorry for any poor soul who dated her in the past.

She supposed she shouldn't have been too surprised. Hunters were known for killing things, and this was the finest example of literary suicide she had seen. It was even worse knowing that the girl had clearly tried her hardest when writing this. If this is what her best looked like, she'd hate to see her worst. She didn't know if her eyes could take it.

"No need to beat around the bush. We all know it sucks," Jaune said. "See? Told you it was bad."

"I guess I had to see it to believe it," she muttered. She quickly looked around to make sure no one was looking before giving her opinion. "I'm not really sure what to say here, dear. I respect your friend for trying her hand at this," to an extent, "but it's as you say. It's just, well… it's no good is what I'm trying to say."

"Believe me, we know," he sighed. "Nora mentioned something last night about putting it in the library to give all the librarians heart attacks. We all think this thing is garbage."

At least they all stood on common ground with something. "Mind you, this still doesn't strike me as a big emergency. True, the writing in here is far from good, but I don't see how it's causing you or your friends distress."

"Don't you?" he said surprised. He pointed back down at the page. "Look closely at the names she used. Don't they sound familiar to you?"

She was hesitant to look down at the page again, but she felt she could stomach it one more time. Her eyes scanned the page quickly to avoid going permanently blind. She didn't recognise the name Taiyang Xiao Long, nor did she Lie Ren…

… wait a minute.

Memories from earlier flashed in her mind. When Jaune had introduced his team to her, there had been another boy on the team. A scary-looking Eastern boy named… Lie Ren…

She looked down at the page again with wide eyes. She didn't know how to spell his name, but it was spelt like how it sounded on the paper.

Oh my word…

"That's the same boy on your team!" she gasped. Looking closer, even the physical descriptions matched. He was even dressed in green, which is what the real Ren wore when he greeted her.

"Yup," he sighed. "Taiyang's real too - he's the dad of two of my friends. And it's not just them two, Blake's been writing stories about other real-life people as well."

"She's using existing people as her characters?" she said, dumbfounded from what she was hearing. This book just got made a million times more disturbing.

"That's right," he said gloomily. "We haven't read the whole thing yet - nor do we plan to - but we have reason to believe she's written a story about everyone in Beacon."

A sudden realisation struck her. _Everyone_ at Beacon?

"Has she written one about you?" she asked in a steady tone. His answer would determine how she felt afterwards.

His face paled. "Um… no?"

Christina's eye twitched. She knew she wouldn't stand a chance against a huntress in a fight, but the name 'Blake' was quickly becoming synonymous with 'strangle to death' right now.

"Look, Mom," he quickly said before the situation could get out of hand, "this is exactly why I called you out here. You're the only one who can fix this mess."

"How do you expect me to do that?"

"As I said before, just read over the stories and talk to Blake on how she can improve them."

Oh no! She was not doing that! Most kids demanded their parents to buy them cars or new clothes. Her son was asking her to help critique his friend's shameless porn! She'd rather have an empty bank account than do that.

"Jaune, I am _not_ teaching your friend how to write erotic literature," she growled. It would require her to read even more of her stories. That alone was asking too much of her.

"Hey, no one said anything about being erotic," he said. "In fact, I'd be happy if you stay away from the sexy stuff. The less boning, the better."

This conversation was seriously giving her an aneurysm.

"All I'm asking you to do," he continued, "is to just give her some writing tips. If she's gonna write anything, it might as well be something decent. Or at least something not about us."

"Ugh, I don't want to do this, Jaune," she groaned. A grown woman explaining to a teenage girl she barely knew why her erotic stories were bad? It was humiliating. What if this Blake girl recognised her? An established author caught reading such filth? She'd never live it down.

"Please, Mommy," he whimpered, making his lip quiver when he spoke. A clearly desperate effort to make her do this ridiculous favour.

"That's not going to work," she growled. It might have done a few days ago, but not anymore. "What's in it for me if I do this?"

Jaune paused. "Erm… I'll call home more often?"

"Not good enough. You already promised that."

"Please, Mom, I'm begging you," he pleaded in a way that sounded genuine. "This whole thing is making us feel awkward. Besides, you don't want me appearing in any more of these stories, do you? Not that I'm in any of them, but it could happen." He gripped her hand tightly and looked her dead in the eye. "Save me from being a sex symbol, Mom," he whispered.

Vacuian wine. Atlesian chocolate. A warm blanket over her and a comfy bed. Those were some of the many things she needed to feel calm again.

What was her son was asking of her was madness. It was madder than him wanting to follow the dangerous footsteps of his father. If she did what he wanted, she'd probably end up about as sane as the rest of his team.

But… curse her overprotective motherly instincts, but she did indeed not want her son to star in such degrading material. Someone had to protect his image whilst he was out fighting monsters. It would be agony for her to read this, but if it was for her son… then fine.

Fine.

"Fine, I'll do it," she groaned. To think she almost related to Blake in the beginning. She really should have known better.

Jaune rushed up to hug her tightly. She rolled her eyes and returned the gesture without much enthusiasm. "Thanks, Mom, you're the best!" he cheered, giving her head a little kiss.

She scoffed. He said that now, but chances are he would forget about all this when it was over. Meanwhile, these traumatic memories would likely stay with her forever. This would go down in history as the strangest sacrifice a mother ever had to make for her son. Even still, she would find a way to make him repay her for her services. He could start by buying her some headache tablets.

"How do you plan for me to approach Blake about this?" she said. "I take it she has no idea your planning to have me critique her work? I can't just offer my help out of nowhere. Are you gonna introduce me to her first?"

Jaune laughed nervously. "I admit, I didn't really think that far ahead. Getting you to agree to this was my first priority. I was kinda hoping you'd figure that part out."

Would one of these gun-toting teens be kind enough to shoot her?

* * *

 **Anime porn was a mistake.**


End file.
